So it seems that Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Moose Jaw) fancies himself something of a Simpsons fan, as he told The Federalist's Ben Domenech in a recent podcast. He even did lines from his two favorite episodes, proving that he can relate not only to country music aficionados, but to rabid animation fans, also too!

His absolute favorite episode, he says, is "'Round Springfield," the episode where Lisa finally meets her jazz idol, saxophonist "Bleeding Gums" Murphy, but then he dies. And to prove just how much he loves the episode, Cruz does the famous bit where the spirit of Bleeding Gums appears to Lisa in the clouds, followed by Mufasa from the Lion King, Darth Vader, and James Earl Jones. We would show you the video, but no, most Simpsons clips do not stay on YouTube. And while Cruz doesn't do the absolute worst James Earl Jones voice we've ever heard, any Comic Book Guy would pedantically point out that Cruz muffs part of the line.

Sadly, the Federalist audio is also not embeddable, but Cruz calls the character "Mustafa," not Mufasa, and just has him saying "I am Mustafa," followed by Vader's "Luke. I am your Father" and Jones's "This is CNN." In the Simpsons episode, Mufasa says, "You must avenge my death, Kimba... dah, I mean Simba." It's a fairly nerdy inside-animation joke, and we suppose Cruz can be forgiven for flubbing it, but that totally proves that Ted Cruz is not one of us.

Cruz's other favorite episode is the segment in “Treehouse of Horror VII" where the drooling space aliens Kang and Kodos replace Bill Clinton and Bob Dole in the 1996 elections. Cruz happily performs his favorite line from that, too -- the speech where Bill Clinton says "we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!" And as WaPo noticed, he once again botches it, though only slightly; Cruz says "twirling into the future" instead of "towards freedom."

Some fan YOU are, Mr. Cruz!

As the Daily Beast notes, Cruz's love of The Simpsons is also unrequited:

“To paraphrase Kang, 'Ted Cruz?' Go ahead, throw your vote away," Simpsons showrunner Al Jean told The Daily Beast, using one of the senator's favorite episodes against him.

Add your own Chris Christie/Bruce Springsteen comparison here.

Popular culture is hard for conservatives. So much of it is filled with liberal bias, and yet they still keep glomming on to shows like The Simpsons, which openly ridicules them, or Star Trek, in which starship crews chosen by an affirmative action office zip around a post-nationalist, post-scarcity, socialist utopia spreading science and rationalism, never going to church on Sundays, and pretty much ignoring America's Judeo-Christian heritage (the last line in TOS's "Bread and Circuses" notwithstanding). Then again, conservatives also think lifelong socialist George Orwell wrote 1984 to warn against Obamacare.

And don't even get us started on The Federalist's woefully boneheaded "analysis" of the Season 5 opener of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, which columnist Brandon Morse somehow reads as a repudiation of Hollywood "leftism" and a "full-on direct strike against the so called 'equality' movement that emanates from today's academia-washed social-justice warriors[.]" The episode was a fairly simple fable about the pitfalls of conformity, but since the bad guys falsely conflate conformity with "equality," Morse decides that it's really an attack on "today's radical feminists, who preach equality while they practice dominance."

It's a pretty silly attack on a straw-pony version of liberalism -- lord knows we liberals spend our days trying to think of new ways to enforce social conformity -- and utterly ignores the explicitly feminist values that the show's creator Lauren Faust brought to the project. In Faust's view, this cartoon show about little pastel horses emphasizes that feminism is all about individualism:

There are lots of different ways to be a girl. You can be sweet and shy, or bold and physical. You can be silly and friendly, or reserved and studious. You can be strong and hard working, or artistic and beautiful. This show is wonderfully free of “token girl" syndrome, so there is no pressure to shove all the ideals of what we want our daughters to be into one package. There is a diversity of personalities, ambitions, talents, strengths and even flaws in our characters–it's not an army of cookie-cutter nice-girls or cookie-cutter beauty queens like you see in most shows for girls.

But like we said, don't even get us started on that.

[The Federalist (Cruz/Simpsons) / The Federalist (MLP derp) / Daily Beast via Mediaite / WaPo / Ms.]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

Donate with CC
DHS photo (Every damn ICE pic looks like this)

Donald Trump's immigration goon squads were all set to start mass arrests and deportations of families in multiple cities Sunday, but before the raids started, he tweeted Saturday that he'd decided to delay the operation by two weeks -- to allow Democrats a chance to join Republicans in trashing US asylum law. Trump took a phone call Friday evening from Nancy Pelosi urging him to hold off on the raids, although it's also possible that internal disagreements about the operation at the Department of Homeland Security may have been part of the reason for the delay, too. In the meantime, Trump gets to terrify undocumented families some more and rant about deporting "millions," although the planned operation was actually targeted only at a couple thousand people who have already received deportation orders.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement had been gearing up to start raids in 10 US cities, including Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, and Baltimore, to show how tough America is, and never mind that the sweeps would certainly have led to more family separations, as ICE scooped up at least some undocumented parents of children born in the US. The news also comes while the media is reporting filthy, inhuman conditions at the border camps where newly arrested immigrants, including babies, are being packed in, leading to plenty of awkward questions about why the government suddenly wants to arrest more people in the interior of the country? (Hint: President Eichmann just announced his reelection bid.)

The Great Deporter announced the delay of the operation Saturday by Twitter, as if that were normal, then followed up with more bluster Sunday.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

Kamala Harris was holding it down at the South Carolina Democratic Convention this weekend, and she wasn't just there to kick it at Clyburn's Fish Fry, hang out with Berndog Sanders, and just look extra good. No. She fucking running for President, and she's actually got a chance, unlike the many Mayo Casserole Men who keep jumping into the damn race. Why did they jump in after Kamala and Elizabeth Warren, the only people who are even running, clearly said, "We got it from here, boys"? Not sure, but regardless, it was unnecessary. Doesn't matter anyway because who is gonna remember Dadface McDorksky when Kamala is turning it the fuck out with speeches indicting Trump?

Do you believe in America? Kamala Harris believes in America, and her Saturday speech calls out for justice, and righteousness; where Barack Obama struck hopeful, dulcet, aspirational tones, Harris strikes sharp chords of urgency. To say that she read Trump the riot act would be, and is, an understatement; what she did here raised a crucial reality that some Dems refuse to see. Trump MUST be prosecuted. The Democratic nominee will wear many hats, and one of the most important of those hats is that of a prosecutor. There is a case to be made against Donald J. Trump, hell, there are so many cases, and as far as Harris is concerned, who better to make that case, but a COP? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kamala Harris at the South Carolina Democratic Convention June, 22 2019

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc