Ted Cruz Thinks Refugees Are Gross, Forgets Where His Dad's From
Pretty much what you'd expect from a guy with a pinched face
In the ever-escalating competition to ignore the plight of Syrians escaping their country's civil war and to be the biggest dick about it, Canadian Sen. Ted Cruz made a solid effort Monday, saying it would be "nothing short of crazy" to help them. (His effort fell well short of Donald Trump's epic assholish promise to repatriate Syrians who have already been resettled in the USA, or Mike Huckabee's suspicion that they just want cable TV.) Apparently, Ted Cruz has forgotten that his dry-drunk daddy fled an oppressive regime and found freedom in the United States, where any boy can grow up to be president, even if he's a Canadian Anchor Baby.
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Speaking to a campaign event in Michigan, the senator from Moose Nibbles, Alberta, who likes to play up what a terrific Christian he is, explained why we should never help those filthy Samaritans:
"What President Obama is proposing to do, bring tens of thousands of Syrian Muslims to America, is nothing short of crazy," Cruz told the crowd during a question and answer period.
Cruz referenced a recent speech by Director of National Intelligence James Clapper, who said it's possible some ISIS operatives may be hiding among Syrian refugees in Europe, although Cruz conveniently left out Clapper's additional comments that the danger is far higher in European countries that lack the intensive screening process for vetting refugees who come to the United States. You might think that would matter, somehow, if you're into trivial details.
"It would be the height of foolishness to bring in tens of thousands of people, including jihadists who are coming here to murder innocent Americans," Cruz said. "...With respect to the refugees, it is a humanitarian crisis, but they ought to be settled in the middle east, in majority Muslim countries."
Strangely enough, in the 1950s and '60s, America foolishly allowed a whole bunch of refugees to come here from Cuba, even though God only knows how many were Communist spies. Probably a whole bunch!
Seems Cruz would rather return to the wise immigration policies of the 1930s, when America largely refused to take in German Jews, since times were hard and they were so very, very foreign. But it's OK, because we sent them back to the continent they came from, where other European countries took them in and they were just fine.
If we wanted to get really picky about dumb details, we could also point out that President Obama isn't planning to bring in "tens of thousands" of Syrian refugees; he's committed to accepting a whopping 10,000 total next year, which is an increase from the pathetic few refugees we've taken from Syria since 2011, but hardly a flood. Perhaps Cruz thinks he's running against German Chancellor Angela Merkel, whose country is accepting up to 1.5 million refugees this year. Or perhaps Angela Merkel has a better sense of why a country might want to take in refugees from a war.
Still, you have to admire the courage of a Bible-believing guy who likes to talk about how his dad forged a new life in a new country, and then tells people trying to escape a war to go fuck themselves, because we're afraid of them, and they're the wrong kind of refugee. We guess he was quoting from the Bible verse where Jesus says, "When I was a stranger you slammed the door in my face." Also, Cruz seems to be missing an important talking point: All our guns are supposed to keep us safe, aren't they?
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.
