Ted Cruz Wishes America Would Focus A Little Less On Buttsex, A Little More On ISIS

America, you have GAY SEX ON THE BRAIN. You are thinking about it right now, in fact! How else can Ted Cruz explain why everybody keeps asking him about things like "gay marriage" and "equality?" It's obviously because The Liberals (read: everybody to the left of Ted Cruz's dad and Genghis Khan) are just too busy thinking about guys boning each other to focus on the important stuff, like ISIS:

"Is there something about the left — and I am going to put the media in this category — that is obsessed with sex?” Cruz asked after fielding multiple questions on gay rights. “ISIS is executing homosexuals — you want to talk about gay rights? This week was a very bad week for gay rights because the expansion of ISIS, the expansion of radical, theocratic, Islamic zealots that crucify Christians, that behead children and that murder homosexuals — that ought to be concerning you far more than asking six questions all on the same topic.”

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Yeah, why should gays have equal rights in America when gays have equal beheadings in ISIS-land? Because really, we should be comparing the state of human rights in what is supposedly the Worldwide Bastion Of Freedom, Democracy And Blowjobs (see? sex on the brain) to how a bunch of lawless Islamist thugs do it, that makes sense.

Of course, Ted Cruz is not the first to say this. Pissant little Baby Senator Tom Cotton of Arkansas recently spoke along similar lines, saying that US American gays should be totally grateful, because over in Iran, they hang the homosexuals, and Tom Cotton knows that, because he is an IranExpert.

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Wingnuts really like this false equivalency, because it allows them to pretend they care about violence against gays, while ALSO fearmongering about Ay-rab Muslims. Why can't the gays just join up with American fundamentalist wingnuts and shit their goddamn pants about the very severe threat of Islamic militants coming to America, to hang our queers? And sadly, even some very stupid GAY wingnuts buy into this, because they are stupid.

Dear wingnuts, how's about we try to hold two thoughts in our heads at one time, and work on giving LGBT Americans full equality, and ALSO work toward easing human rights violations around the world, up to and including the beheading of gays in theocratic wastelands? Just an idea.

In the same exchange with reporters, Cruz also said that "mandatory gay marriage" is really murdering all the Christians' religious freedom dead, in America. We were not aware that American gays were the Real ISIS, because they are forcing unwilling Americans into gay marriages (maybe Cruz read this piece from The Onion), but since we obviously are, how about we force Ted Cruz and Tom Cotton into a mandatory gay marriage? They would be SO great for each other, and they could consummate their marriage with a good old round of FREEDOM-boning! How's that image in your head go with your lunch, Wonkers?

[The Texas Tribune viaTalking Points Memo]


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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