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Ted Cruz continues his unprovoked war of aggression against American popular culture tonight with his campaign's alleged tribute to Saturday Night Live's fake ads. We have some bad news and some good news: The bad news is that it exists, and that it is painfully unfunny. The good news is that if you don't live in Iowa, it won't air during SNL where you live. It's a Festivus miracle! Unless you live in Iowa, in which case we assume you've built up some immunity to this sort of thing by now anyway.

[contextly_sidebar id="3Ngmw0XHVnKwsbN0fgOW8LkQG8eR3Ylu"]The ad plays off Cruz's infamously clueless reading of Green Eggs and Ham during his dumb fake filibuster in 2013, when he told us that Obamacare is a terrible thing that no one will ever like, which is kind of the opposite of what the narrator learns from Sam I Am. This one features Ted reading such hilariously-titled children's books as "How Obamacare Stole Christmas," "The Grinch Who Lost Her Emails," and "Rudolph the Underemployed Reindeer," and there's not a laugh to be found in the whole thing, although we'll confess the corners of our mouth raised just slightly at the illustration for "Frosty, The Speaker of the House," because not even the Ted Cruz campaign can go entirely wrong with a John Boehner drunk joke.

Ha! Ha! The snowman is orange, sort of. But shouldn't he be crying little ice cubes?

[contextly_sidebar id="YvCgPHol7FAG5kb2sUjsQnGQlHMVDeHP"]Watch it, if you think you can handle the whimsy. With this thing, Cruz has now successfully ruined The Simpsons, Dr. Seuss, and The Princess Bride, among other popcult icons. His writers even manage to fuck up the very simple task of replicating Seuss's anapestic tetrameter -- the meter is wrong in the one line they try.

J.J. Abrams and the Disney Organization must be enormously relieved that Cruz didn't try to do a Star Wars parody. Oh, but he will. He will. It is... his dessstiny.

[The Hill via alert Wonkette Operative "Sean"]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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