Ted Cruz's Guide To Unmake Friends And Alienate People, Part Infinity
Ok wonkeroos, we need to talk about a serious subject that is threatening far too many of our most vulnerable citizens: bullying and abuse. While we like to snark and mock, we, as a country, should be doing everything we can to make our society a better safer place. Rep. Sean Duffy (R-Season 5) knows this as well as anyone, per TPM:
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) continued to draw the scorn of House Republicans on Friday when Rep. Sean Duffy (R-WI) fumed that Senate conservatives have "bullied" and "abused" their counterparts in the lower chamber throughout the push to defund Obamacare.
Wait a sec. We don’t think those words mean what he thinks they mean.
First off, perhaps this is why the GOP can’t win the womyn vote – because this is what the GOP thinks “abuse” is. A Canadian ass-monkey riling up the tin-foil-hat wing of the Republican Party about defunding Obamacare and trying to get the House GOP to do the heavy lifting is NOT abuse.
Perhaps Duffy can introduce a Violence Against Women Congress Act, which would protect congresscritters from abusive meanies like Ted Cruz. Of course, the House GOP would likely strip out protection for gays. Sorry Senator Graham.
Or maybe Dan Savage, prominent reader of Wonket, can make an It Gets Better video especially for Duffy, in order to help him get through this bullying. We’re sure that gay eighth-graders in rural Mississippi can totally feel Duffy’s pain. In fact, we encourage all bullied LGBT youth to write to Sean Duffy and bond with him over your shared experiences. We know he will appreciate it.
House GOP Enemy Number One Cruz has definitely done hisself no favors with the House. In fact, per National Review:
“Cruz keeps raising conservatives’ hopes, and then, when we give him what he wants, he doesn’t have a plan to follow through,” an aide fumes. “He’s an amateur.” Another aide says, “Nancy Pelosi is more well-liked around here.”
Seriously, it took the House GOP this long to figure out that Ted Cruz is an amateur joke who is more useless than a one-legged man in a three-legged race?!?! Ted, if the GOP likes Nancy more than you, then whatever small, slim hopes you had for 2016 are deader than Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s rotting corpse.
We kinda enjoy this GOP infighting, because hopefully it is exposing to the American people the broad ideological shift within the Republican party, with the libertarian crowd fighting with the pro-business crowd, and the screaming howler-monkey anti-Obama crowd flinging poop at everyone. More likely, though, Americans are just eating cheesy-poofs and watching Duck Dynasty, and will continue to vote these brain-dead fucktards back into office year after year. Hooray democracy, or something.
For those wishing to help with actual abuse, please support your local women’s shelter, or national organizations like Futures Without Violence. DO NOT, under any circumstances, send money to asshats like Sean Duffy. Fuck that guy.