Ted Nugent To Help Republican's Race For Texas Ag Commissioner, Obama Rodeo Clown Unavailable We Guess
Ted Nugent is bringing his political know-how to the contest for Texas Agriculture Commission, accepting the positions of co-chair and treasurer for former state Rep. Sid Miller. Nugent promises to "raise as much hell" as possible on Miller's behalf, while his direct involvement in day-to-day management of the campaign is expected to consist of posing for photographs with a variety of firearms and saying whatever crazy shit occurs to him at any given moment, preferably in the presence of reporters, while others in the campaign keep a careful watch over the petty cash drawer and the key to the liquor cabinet.
Nugent has extensive experience in politics, having invited the President of the United States to "suck on my machine gun" and sat quietly next to a gay jazzman during the State of the Union address. The Texas Tribune notes that
This race is also unusually local and topic-specific for Nugent, known for his interest in national and high-profile statewide races. But he said the move made sense for him.
"I grow crops and I raise wildlife. I've been an ag guy since I was a kid," he said.
He is also a high-output source of potent organic fertilizer.
Miller is the author of a 2011 bill signed by Gov. Rick Perry requiring doctors to perform sonograms before ladies can murder their babies; that bill has become a model for other states. He has also advocated aerial hunting of feral hogs, for which no sonogram is required. He was defeated in a primary in 2012 by someone who was not a total loon.
On the Democratic side, perennial candidate, amusement source and librul gadfly Kinky Friedman announced he would also run for Ag Commissioner, his second run at the position. He hopes to draw votes based on the enthusiasm for gubernatorial candidate Wendy Davis, and also from his central issue, calling for Texas to "legalize, cultivate, tax and regulate marijuana." His music is also more fun to listen to than Nugent's.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.