Ted Nugent Unravels Veteran Suicide Epidemic: Obama Did It

Remember how a couple months back, Congress finally accomplished something weird and passed, unanimously, the Clay Hunt Suicide Prevention for American Veterans Act -- named after a veteran who killed himself in 2011 -- which President Obama signed into law early in February? The bill could have passed sooner, but retiring Sen. Tom Coburn personally blocked it until he finally left the Senate at the beginning of the new congressional term. It was a rare moment of bipartisan agreement, expanding outreach, mental health services, and peer support for Iraq and Afghanistan vets suffering from PTSD, traumatic brain injuries, unemployment, and other issues that contribute to an appalling suicide rate of approximately 22 vets daily.

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But let's not be hasty and rush into spending a bunch of money on "mental health." Superpatriotic pants-pooper Ted Nugent would just like you to consider for a moment an alternate theory of the veteran suicide crisis. Speaking at the annual Lincoln Day Dinner held by the Maricopa County Republican Party, wearing a Maricopa County Sheriff's Office ball cap personally given to him by Joe Arpaio, the NRA board member and walking bag of infected pus revealed the true reason for veteran suicides:

He told the crowd that military veterans are committing suicide because of President Obama: “Here’s your job, Republican Party. Twenty to 25 of those guys kill themselves every day, and they haven’t told you why and they haven’t told anybody else why but they told me why: because the commander-in-chief is the enemy.”

And yes, applause, but not thunderous, so there's that at least.

That was pretty sneaky of Obama to sign the Clay Hunt Act, just to cover up his own role in leading veterans to kill themselves.

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As of press time, Nugent had not identified the means by which dead veterans had been contacting him from beyond the grave to explain why they had killed themselves, but Wonkette's own resident psychic did hear from several spirits who refuted Nugent and wanted to know why the hell the stupid fuckhead wasn't dead or in jail yet.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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