Tennessee State Rep. Knows Precisely How Obama Will Steal This Election

Good news, people of Tennessee: we get to discuss your state legislature again this morning! Oh, put away your groans. This guy you've got, state Rep. Kelly Keisling, had such a smart insight into the future of American politics that he took the liberty of emailing it to his constituents. How's the rest of 2012 gonna play, O holy Byrdstown prophet? "A Republican member of the Tennessee state legislature emailed constituents Tuesday morning with a rumor circulating in conservative circles that President Barack Obama is planning to stage a fake assassination attempt in an effort to stop the 2012 election from happening." What's that, reader? You don't take this seriously? Well what if we told you that the rumor came from a "Florida-based conservative blogger"? Mmhmm, yep. It's all happening.

Here's where the Obama campaign's collective political acumen will apparently land us before the election. These guys are canny, what with the total hilarious transparency of their plan.

Rep. Kelly Keisling (R-Byrdstown) sent an email from his state email account to constituents containing a rumor that Obama and the Department of Homeland Security are planning a series of events that could lead to the imposition of "martial law" and delay the election. Among the events hypothesized in the email is a staged assassination attempt on the president that would lead to civil unrest in urban areas and martial law.

What's amazing -- well, a lot of this is amazing -- but what's amazing is that they think Obama wouldwantto be an autocratic ruler for the rest of his life. Does he seem to be enjoying the job that much?

Keisling appears to have forwarded a more widely circulated email from Joe Angione, a Florida-based conservative blogger. Angione prefaces the rumor by saying it has not been confirmed but likewise notes it has not been denied. Angione also writes that people need to work to prevent the rumor from becoming reality.

Wow, let's tip our cap there to Huffington Post writer John Celock for the understated literary beauty of that trifecta of sentences that so neatly describe how insane hustlers work our politics.

1. Idiot in Florida gets a modem.

2. Idiot in Florida emails fellow idiots some hilarious thing he just made up.

3. Idiot in Florida notes that the hilarious thing he just made up has not been denied.

4. Idiot in Florida says that since the hilarious thing he just made up cannot be denied, people must work to stop it.

5. Every idiot he emailed this to believes him.

6. A wingnut state representative shares the email with his constituents.

7. Idiot liberal bloggers post about this to make fun of him.

8. Wingnut state representative wins reelection.

[ HuffPo via bobbert in Wonkville ]