Terrible Obama Covers Up 25-Year-Old Volunteer Gettin' It Wet With Prosties
We are apparently supposed to be outraged and scandalized by this new wrinkle on the 2012 Secret Service Sexxytime Scandal: It wasn't just Secret Service agents foolin' around with hookers before Barack Obama's April 2012 trip to Cartagena, Colombia. According to yesterday's Washington Post, a 25-year-old volunteer traveling with the White House advance team got it on with a prostitute, just like the Secret Service did, even though the White House has always said that no members of the White House advance staff were involved. The volunteer, Jonathan Dach, isn't talking, but his attorney has denied that Dach hired a prostitute or did anything in his hotel bed other than sleep, eat, and maybe make a little tent.
So the scandal, if any, is supposed to be that the White House didn't launch a full-scale investigation into whether Dach had sexual relations with that woman, giving his legal sexxytime with a prostitute a pass while going after Secret Service agents who had also hired ladies of negotiable affection. In the weeks after the scandal broke, White House staff interviewed Dach twice and "concluded that he had done nothing wrong." DOUBLE STANDARD COVERUP!
Except there's also this, from the WaPo story by Carol Leonig and David Nakamura:
Dach’s role in Cartagena was far different from that of Secret Service agents who were responsible for the president’s safety. He was a volunteer who helped coordinate drivers for the White House travel office. He was paid a per diem, not a salary, and was reimbursed for expenses.
Dach and his fellow volunteers underwent background checks, according to a former administration official. That person said that on trips, team members are familiar with the president’s general itinerary in advance of his arrival but not the most sensitive information about his movements.
Even so, volunteers are "repeatedly reminded that they are 'mini-ambassadors' for the U.S. government and that their conduct reflects on the president and first lady," so they should remember to not go and pick up hos. The story notes that the White House didn't think that the possible erotic adventures of a volunteer who was getting only a per diem payment was at the same level of ethical depravity as similar fuckery by people who were supposed to be focused on keeping the president alive:
Administration officials interviewed by The Post earlier this year said there was no reason to investigate Dach beyond interviews with him and his fellow White House team members and a review of their expense accounts, because he was not a government employee and because prostitution is legal in parts of Colombia, including Cartagena.
One senior administration official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive information, said Ruemmler believed it would be a “real scandal” if she had sent “a team of people to Colombia to investigate a volunteer over something that’s not a criminal act. . . . That would be insane.”
Even so, this Jonathan Livingston Dach guy does sound like the sort of privileged douche that gets appointed to a fluff volunteer job in any administration:
Dach’s father, Leslie Dach, is a prominent Democratic donor who gave $23,900 to the party in 2008 to help elect Obama. In his previous job as a top lobbyist for Wal-Mart, he partnered with the White House on high-profile projects, including Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move!” campaign.
Both Papa Dach and Baby Dach have low-level jobs in the administration now, which you can expect they will soon be resigning so they can focus on serving America in the private sector. By which we mean doing sex with prostitutes on their own damn time.
Also too, there's the allegation that investigators who wanted to look more aggressively at Rainbow Dach and his compensated girlfriend were pressured to delay or downplay the investigation until after the 2012 election, a claim the inspector general denies. MOAR COVERUP BENGHAZI! Who gave the stand down order, huh?
We learn today from National Journal's Ron Fournier, the bland and slightly repugnant grocery store brand breakfast cereal of journalism, that this story of a 25-year-old getting his freak on in a foreign land where it's legal actually matters a Great Deal Indeed, not because of the secks, nonononono, how tawdry, but because it involves "government cover-ups, favoritism, and nepotism" and even worse, because it "hints at a rift between the president's political and security teams," and that makes him very worried bout the president's safety indeed. We aren't quite sure why this story is more worrisome than the Secret Service acting like a bunch of extras from the Police Academy movies, but it matters because -- and we hope you are sitting down --
The White House didn't tell the truth. Small children are taught that any lie is bad, even a small one, because it infects the whole of their credibility. Same goes for the White House, particularly when the public's faith in President Obama's word is already in free-fall due to an epidemic of half-truths ("Violent protest outside of our embassy –- sparked by this hateful video"), empty promises ("No one will take away" your health care plan), and outright lies ("Not wittingly").
Well, then! In that case, we are appropriately outraged. Someone please bring us our smelling salts, we guess. This is surely the last straw! Was Obama watching the whole thing unfold on live video, or was he golfing when it all went down? Cartagenaghazi! Won't someone think of the children?
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.