Flashing Terrorist 'Christmas Ornament' Nearly Destroys Pentagon
A "blinking Christmas ornament" was put in the trash at the Pentagon Metro stop this morning, so of course the station had to be shut down, because terrorism. Officials told the AP they "took it seriously," which is what they always do, even though they should be racist-profiling blinking Eid ornaments, not Christmas ornaments. The terrorist ornament was apprehended at the trash can and x-rayed, though the Pentagon police apparently thought it was safe enough not to have to scan its reindeer genitals or whatever. We may not have expected the War on Terror to merge with the War on Christmas, but then again, we didn't expect the virgin Saddam Hussein to give birth to a man named Osama bin Laden, did we? But, actually, we suspect this is the work of a good-hearted Secret Santa.
You see, the whole point of this was to get people to realize how cheaply we treat Christmas. The police probably referred to the Christmas object as a "holiday ornament" in their report, knowing how satanic the government is, and the image of something so holy being trashed is an important metaphor.
Trains on the Washington area Metro system were ordered to bypass the huge Defense Department headquarters after the object was discovered in the station at 7:15 a.m., said Chris Layman, spokesman for the Pentagon police force.
What's the next stop as you head south on the Metro? Pentagon City. This anonymous Christmas warrior was diverting passengers to that stop to force them to reflect for a moment on the true meaning of Christmas: Buying a bunch of plastic crap, at a mall. WAR ON CHRISTMAS OVER, EVERYONE LOVES IT AGAIN.
Somehow those Aqua Teen Hunger Force marketers will still be arrested, though. [AP]