Texas Attorney General Will Save North Carolina From Transgender Pee-Pee Monsters
Does the Texas attorney general have the most punchable face ever, or is it just us?
With all this talk about building walls around the sovereign nation of Mexico, you might have forgotten another very important wall-building activity our nation is engaged in, which is building walls around OUR WIVES AND DAUGHTERS so they can make loud dookies in peace, without having to worry that transgender people might hear them doing their cacophonous poopies and be like "LOL!" At least we think that's the goal of Texas and the other states suing the Obama administration over its new transgender guidelines.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605778/texas-a-hole-judge-makes-sure-americas-transgender-kids-treated-like-filth-the-way-jesus-intended"></a>[/wonkbar]As background, you should remember that a hack Dubya-appointed Texas judge, at the behest of Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton and attorneys general from several other states, recently issued a nationwide injunction against enforcement of Obama's transgender guidelines, which simply seek to prohibit anti-trans discrimination in schools by letting trans kids use the bathrooms that align with their gender identities. Meanwhile, there is ongoing litigation initiated by the Justice Department against the state of North Carolina, on account of its remarkably discriminatory anti-trans HB 2 law, which Attorney General Loretta Lynch contends is in violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972, and the 2013 reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act.
So now, because he's feeling victory in his otherwise inactive bathing suit area, Texas A.G. Paxton and his wingnut cohort in other states with transgender potty panic have filed an amicus brief in the North Carolina case, because somehow they think that's their motherfucking business:
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, joined by 10 other state attorneys general and two governors, specifically asked U.S. District Court Judge Thomas Schroeder to put the Justice Department’s pending challenge to that law on hold while other cases proceed.
The Obama administration has asked Schroeder to halt enforcement of the anti-transgender provision, and he heard arguments over that request on Aug. 1. Putting the cases on hold as Paxton and the other states’ officials asked in the unusual filing on Wednesday (or denying the Obama administration’s request, a move the brief also supports) would mean that the anti-transgender law would remain in effect for the time being.
This is necessary to the well-being of North Carolina, because do you have any idea how many transgender pee-pee monsters might make pee while the case is proceeding if Paxton DOESN'T step in? This amicus brief ensures that Jesus won't get pee-shy when He tries to use the potty in North Carolina, due to a trans person being like "YO JESUS HOW IS IT HANGING?" Ken Paxton is always looking out for the most vulnerable in our society, is the point.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605143/supreme-court-saves-america-from-transgender-teens-making-bathroom-everywhere"></a>[/wonkbar]As Buzzfeed's Chris Geidner points out, the wingnut judge-issued injunction against Obama's transgender guidelines "specifically exempted previously initiated litigation" from proceeding. But Paxton and his buddies (attorneys general from Arkansas, Arizona, West Virginia, Alabama, Wisconsin, Georgia, Nebraska, Louisiana, South Carolina, and the dumbfuck governors of Mississippi and Kentucky, Phil Bryant and Matt Bevin, respectively) say that because the 4th Circuit is considering ANOTHER appeal, which may end up at the Supreme Court -- Gavin Grimm, that transgender high school senior in Virginia who really needs to pee, remember him? -- then it is no fair to let transgender folks make whizzes in North Carolina right now, because it "would bestow upon North Carolina the distinction of making it the only state unable to enforce its policy regarding access to intimate areas." Poor North Carolina! The only state in the whole country where trans kids could possibly discriminate against Good Christian Kids by asking the teacher if they can go take a shit!
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/602506/fourth-circuit-court-of-appeals-tells-trans-bashing-goons-to-fck-off-again"></a>[/wonkbar]As we noted in the case of the Texas judge's injunction against Obama's transgender guidelines, there is SEVERE judge-shopping going on here. Just after the judge in Texas issued his injunction, Texas immediately filed a lawsuit TO DENY HEALTHCARE to transgender people, to be heard by the very same judge. The North Carolina judge, on the other hand, has issued his own limited injunction AGAINST enforcement of North Carolina's law, and the 4th Circuit, so far, has ruled FOR Gavin Grimm's right to get a hall pass to go make bathroom.
But Ken Paxton is a remarkably stupid man, and he is very certain he will win, so that is why he is filing briefs in North Carolina, sticking his sad dick in things that are not his business and that he does not understand.
He should go fuck himself with a dirty urinal cake, but that goes without saying.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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