Hey, kids, we've reached an important milestone in the evolution of the Texas Pool Cop story: the all-important Notpology:

The attorney for former McKinney police officer Eric Casebolt on Wednesday said that "he apologizes to all who were offended" by his actions while responding to a complaint at a pool party in McKinney, Texas.

Attorney Jane Bushkin said that Casebolt "regrets" that his actions reflected poorly on the McKinney Police Department.

He's also really, really sorry that he didn't smack down that one white 15-year-old kid recording him with the smartphone.

Ms. Bushkin explained that Casebolt had resigned "with a heavy heart," but wanted to do what was best for the community's relationship with the police, which might also have been considerably improved had he not flung 15-year-old Dajerria Becton to the ground, pushed her face into the grass, and knelt on her back, maybe.

[contextly_sidebar id="lgzD6kTRB8mDlPbLLZ7MeBRzyCk4MeQj"]

Bushkin also insisted that Casebolt's actions at the pool party "were only in attempt to investigate the reports of violent assaults," and that the video everyone's angry about didn't show all of what he did, like the part where he rescued a fluffy kitten being menaced by a gangbanger's pit bull, or where he bravely threw himself on a grenade to save his buddies in a foxhole from certain death.

In addition, Bushkin denied that Casebolt singled out minority teens, since he did detain one white teenager -- that would presumably be 14-year-old Grace Stone, who says she was handcuffed when she tried to tell Casebolt how the incident started.

Also, too, people need to be a little more understanding of what a tough job Eric Casebolt had, seeing as how just before answering the call about the kerfuffle at the pool, he had been on two suicide calls, and despite being a 10-year veteran with the McKinney PD, those calls "took an emotional toll" on him. It's unknown whether other officers on the scene -- the ones who behaved professionally and didn't strut around like Keystone Stormtroopers -- had also responded to those suicides.

Bushkin told reporters that Casebolt would speak directly with the media once it's safe for him to do so, since he has allegedly been the subject of numerous death threats. We presume he may also be consulting with George Zimmerman on how to be an aggressive asshole who presents himself as the greatest victim of his own violent actions.

[TPM]