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That guy right there, name of Tom Mechler, has been chosen to be the new head of the Texas GOP, and boy howdy, does he have some thoughts on the gays and what they've gone and done to civility and family values culture! The Texas Observer reports that Mechler, last March, penned himself a screed in the Amarillo Globe-News, due to an incident what had happened at the Amarillo Town Club. You see, one day a couple of lesbians marched up into the club and thought that maybe, hey, you give family discounts, we are a lesbian couple, we can have discount? The Amarillo Town Club is apparently not cool like Planet Fitness, and they said no, you cannot, we say you're not a family.


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This started a controversy in Amarillo, which prompted Tom Mechler to speak out, then in his capacity as the Texas GOP's Treasurer:

I’ve watched with dismay the controversy surrounding Amarillo Town Club’s family membership policy, which was placed prominently before our community by the Amarillo Globe-News on March 2 with its front-page article showing a picture of two angry-looking homosexual women.

Angry-looking homosexual women, right there in the newspaper next to the Jumble, which Tom LIKES TO DO!

We have gone way past the point of reason in the attack by homosexual activists and other liberals who want to manipulate society to serve their purpose. I know a lot of great people, and I’m sure I know many who have a different sexual preference than mine. I just don’t know who they are since I don’t ask them about their sexual preference. It is not relevant to my interaction with them.

Ha ha ha, and he has never met any of his friends' significant others or spouses, because that would just be rude, knowing personal information like whether or not they are married. Takes away all the mystery inherent in being a conservative! Tom Mechler, everybody! He's can't be a bigot he might have some gay friends!

What I find troubling is the incredible attack that has been launched on free speech. I love this country, and as an American the Bill of Rights gives me the right to say what I please.

One of the problems we are experiencing in our nation is that if you say you believe in the biblical definition of marriage (which I do), or if you express an opinion that liberals determine as being politically incorrect, they will attack you — sometimes viciously — frequently making threats against your life and property. They call your comments and thoughts homophobic or hate speech.

Wow, how’s that for an exercise in censorship and intimidation?

UM wait, Mr. Mechler (can we call you "Mr. Dipshit"?), which is it? Are we mean liberals making threats against your life and property (cite your sources please!) or are we just censoring and intimidating you by making fun of the way you very dumbly exercise your free speech? Because we will tell you one thing, we like it when people like you talk more, because you win people over to our side each time you do. No censorship at the Wonkette, you're a star now!

Tom yammers on for about a million and five paragraphs about how also, the Supreme Court is going to censor him by forcing gay marriage all the way into his throat (judicial foreplay) and then his bottom (judicial intercourse), and how that's not something Texas voters ever fantasized about, and then suddenly he closes his piece with this non sequitur:

As a final note, if the Amarillo Globe-News ever publishes a picture of two men or two women kissing each other, I will cancel my subscription.

Like this one? You can cancel the newspaper, which means you won't get to "Whoo boy!" about what Beetle Bailey and the Family Circus said today, but you can't cancel your Wonkette, Tom:

Maybe Tom is worried that if his local paper starts publishing pictures like that, he'll accidentally start fapping in his bathrobe, right there in the front yard where the neighbors can see. You just really never know with guys like him.

The Texas Observer reports that though Tom Mechler is obviously made of Dumb, and bad for the LGBT community in Texas, his two opponents were even worse, so we guess he is the lesser of three evils? We guess you just have to settle for throat-cramming gay kisses and marriages down the Texas GOP chairman you have, not the ones you coulda had.

[Texas Observer/Amarillo Globe-News]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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