Texas Gov Greg Abbott Suddenly Remembers Joe Biden’s President, Begs For Help Against COVID-19 Surge

Texas Gov Greg Abbott Suddenly Remembers Joe Biden’s President, Begs For Help Against COVID-19 Surge

During the last crappy day of 2021, a federal judge in Texas ruled against the Biden administration’s vaccine and mask mandates for Head Start programs, which provide education-related services to low-income children. Freedom is just another word for superspreader conditions during a pandemic.

The Court ruled that the mandates are "arbitrary and capricious,” because this court has a curious grasp on grade-school science. How many graphs to do we have show people of COVID-19 curb-stomping the unvaccinated?

Governor Greg Abbott boasted Friday that Texas had “just beat Biden again.” He doesn’t care about protecting vulnerable children, just scoring cheap political points.

ABBOTT: Another of Biden’s vaccine and mask mandates was just halted by a federal judge in Texas. The Court writes: "'It is undisputed that an agency cannot act without Congressional authorization.” That would apply to all of Biden’s orders.

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who really shouldn’t be in office after his attempted coup efforts, also bragged about his legal victory before popping open the champagne on New Year’s Eve.

I just halted another illegal fed vax & mask mandate. Thanks to my suit(first of its kind in the nation), Prez Brandon is barred from using the Head Start Program to force vax & masks in TX—both of which this Admin embarrassingly admitted don’t stop Covid anyway! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yes, the Texas attorney general called the sitting president “Prez Brandon” like he’s an emotionally damaged 10-year-old child.

The COVID-19 vaccine, as well as wearing a mask over your gross face, does in fact keep people from needlessly dying. We’ve been through all this, and I’m not posting any more graphs because people who think “Prez Brandon” is a clever zinger are usually graphically illiterate.

The very same day, Abbott begged Biden for federal assistance dealing with the rising COVID-19 cases in his state.

"Detecting COVID-19 and preventing COVID-related hospitalizations are critical to our fight against this virus," said Abbott in a prepared statement. "Testing sites, additional medical staff, and continued shipments of therapeutics from the federal government will help us continue to save lives and mitigate the spread of COVID-19.”

The conservative position on almost any other issue is that the government shouldn’t bail out people who refuse to take personal responsibility. Mitt Romney once argued against providing health insurance for people with pre-existing conditions who waited too long to get insured: "But you don’t want everyone saying, ‘I am going to sit back until I get sick and then go buy insurance.’ That doesn’t make sense. But you get defined rules and get people in who are playing by the rules.”

The COVID-19 vaccine is free. Masks are also relatively inexpensive, compared to a lengthy hospital stay. We aren’t unfeeling monsters or hypocrites like Republicans so we support taking care of people when they’re sick, even if they’re dullards.

Abbott has fought the Biden administration on vaccine and mask mandates, insisting that Texans can choose to do what’s right without government coercion. (*Offer does not apply to reproductive freedom.) Abbott also claims the Biden administration has “cut supplies of monoclonal antibody treatments and testing kits when they are needed most.” There’s no direct evidence that Biden is doing this, certainly not out of spite as implied. Biden announced last week that the federal government would buy half a billion COVID-19 rapid test kits and distribute them free of charge for home usage. This is some of that sweet socialized medicine action.

Texas Republicans want to exist as their own island but when the going gets tough, the morally weak start pleading for federal assistance. Now Abbott’s shouting, “Save me, Brandon!” and Biden won’t tell him to get fucked because he understands he’s president for all Americans, even the assholes.


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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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