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If Texas state Rep. Molly White gets her way, newly minted Texas GOP chair Tom Mechler won't have to worry about homos kissin' in the newspaper or any of that other gay stuff, for Molly has A Solution, and as you see above, she's got a gun. As David Badash at the New Civil Rights Movement reports, Molly is still in her second month of even BEING a Big Girl State Representative, but she has already Solved Texas. For one thing, she's come up with a bill that says even if the United States Supreme Court gifts gay marriage to a hungry nation, Texas need not comply, because Texas.


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Yes, Molly is standing athwart Texas's virgin throat, ready to stop any hot, gay cramming Justices Ginsburg and Kennedy may have in mind, by god. Her bill, HB2555, specifically says that it applies "regardless of whether a federal court ruling or other federal law provides that prohibition against the creation or recognition of a same-sex marriage or a civil union is not permitted under the United States Constitution."

In other words, it is a bill that manages to, in three lines, say both "I know you are but what is Texas?" and "Texas's marriage ban does TOO apply, regardless of what y'all full-o'-yourself fancy britches-wearin' elites in Washington say!" Badash points out that it's near impossible this sort of law would get signed, even by the crazy wingnut Texas Governor Greg Abbott, because federal laws DO win out over dumb little local laws like the one Molly has in mind.

Wonkette readers will be shocked to learn that Molly White is not simply crazy when it comes to gays and their gay parts, but also, too, in other areas. For one thing, she totally hates the Muslims. Badash notes that during White's short tenure, White has introduced LOTS of insane legislation. She does seem to be going for some sort of dumbass award, and in Texas, that's a hard one to vie for:

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White also subscribes to Tea Party conspiracy theories. Last week she filed a bill to Stop Taxpayer Funding of Agenda 21.

Yes, Agenda 21.

Well, my goodness. If you are not up on your conspiracy theories or just need a refresher, Agenda 21 is the one where the United Stations is mind-controlling all your brains in a a Soviet way in order to make everybody to move to big cities where they will have gay socialist abortions every day, during brunch, or probably something along those lines, it is NEFARIOUS, it is TOTALLY REAL, and it is SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Oh, also, she wants businesses to be able to refuse to bake gay cakes for gay cake eating events, due to religion, because that's all the rage these days, among fucking dorks.

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Why, oh why, is our very favorite "Molly" from Texas, the one who got yr Wonkette interested in politics in the first damn place, not around to write about this new cropdusting of Texans? Can we get The Lord on the phone to please get to some resurrectin', due to He would probably agree that Molly Ivins really needs to SEE THIS SHIT?

[The New Civil Rights Movement/Gavel to Gavel]

 

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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