Texas Rep: Republicans Could Totally Full-On Impeach Obama If It Weren't For That Meddling Senate

Texas Rep: Republicans Could Totally Full-On Impeach Obama If It Weren't For That Meddling Senate

Awwwwww, yeah, real borned-in-real-America Americans, here is some awesome fucking news for you to jerk off to in case you're not inspired by outraging over the president taking vacation. This exciting masturbatory materialcomes to us courtesy of Texas Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-OF COURSE, DUH!).

Here’s the issue. You tie into a question I get a lot. If everybody’s so unhappy with what the president’s done, why don’t you impeach him? I’ll give you a real frank answer about that. If we were to impeach the president tomorrow, you could probably get the votes in the House of Representatives to do it.

Finally! It's long past time the House Republicans manned up, got off their record-breaking laziest-ever lazy asses, stopped fighting amongst each other about which brand of bugfuck crazy will ensure the future of the Republican Party, and actually saved 'Merica by impeaching that som'bitch President Barack Saddam Hitler Stalin Hussein Obama once and for all. Hooray! Totally-not-gay rainbows and capitalism-shitting Ayn Rand Jesus unicorns for everyone!

This is quite a bold claim, because if the math that we let Think Progress do for us is right, assuming no House Democrats would be such ginormous Lieberman-sized assholes as to vote for impeachment, 93 percent of House Republicans would have to vote for impeachment. That is ... counts on fingers, carries the five ... almost ALL OF 'EM, KATIE!

But wait. Before you unzip and grab the lube, Rep. Farenthold has some sad face news:

But it would go to the Senate and he wouldn’t be convicted. [...] We saw what happened when President Clinton was impeached. I say this half in jest and half seriously because it’s easy to laugh at President Clinton, but as a result of impeaching President Clinton, we’ve redefined what sex is to a lot of our young people and we’ve said it’s okay to lie to Congress. I think that’s been woven into the thread of our society. That failed impeachment attempt actually damaged the country. What message do we send to America if we impeach Obama and he gets away with what he’s impeached for, is found innocent? What do we say then is okay?

Goddamnit, Democrats are always getting in the way of Republicans' impeachment fun, aren't they? Bastards. And obviously, if House Republicans do the right thing by impeaching Obama for, um, well, actually we don't know what they would charge him with other than presidenting while black, but anyway that ought to be enough, it's in the Constitution somewhere, right? So, if they impeach him and Senate Democrats let him walk Scot-free and innocent, like he's George Zimmerman and just gunned down an unarmed kid in a sweatshirt, well, how would we dumbsplain THAT to our children? Clinton's blowjobs were hard enough!

Oh well, never mind.



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