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Here's a new twist, a fun and exciting way for a Republican to lay blame for gun violence on something, ANYTHING, that isn't spelled G-U-N-S. This time it's Texas Rep. Pete Sessions, who is NOT, science fact, the same person as Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions. Maybe they're sisters! Anyway, why do we have so much gun violence, Rep. Sessions? Oh, it's diversity, you say? Huh, WTF? Sessions attempted to explain it to radio host Chris Salcedo:

It has a lot to do with distrust of people. Chris, I have been in lots of societies, we could say like Japan, where they have a homogeneous society, where people are more alike. We have this thought process that we have to have diversity in America. We all have to be ethnically, completely apart, but respect each other. And the bottom line is that we should, and we need to work for that, but we have a group of people that are in our country that we're afraid of, that have created chaos and confusion, and now our country is confused, and we need to carefully work back towards trusting each other and being together.

Gotcha! If Americans didn't have all this different-colored skin, people would trust each other and wouldn't have to shoot each other with guns. Like, look at the Japaneses! Sessions knows they all look the same, therefore no shootings necessary! (Japan basically doesn't have guns, which is why Japan is not known for gun violence. Rep. Sessions, you are a truly fuckwitted man.)

Now, we want to cut the congressman a little bit of slack here, because it's obvious he came on the radio to talk about a thing, and then the host asked him about a different thing, and he sort of just started reading the script about his first thing. He WANTED to talk about how Mexicans are THE WORST and how they are TOO SCARY, and how he has a bill called H.R. 3437, the Protecting American Lives Act, which will help us not all get killed by the Mexicans so much no more. And Sen. Jeff Sessions is sponsoring companion legislation in the Senate! Told you the Sessions boys were gay married to each other!

Instead the radio host started saying, Congressman, isn't what just happened in Virginia awful? So Rep. Sessions accidentally started firing words out of his Texan mouth slit about how there's this one group of people all the Americans are scared of, and it's the brown Mexicans, and this is why a black man killed two white people in Virginia. He just got confused, that's all.

Later in the discussion, Sessions was still trying to tie the two thoughts together in his brain:

“We have repeatedly seen, not just as the murder in Virginia ... We have repeatedly heard stories as they have occurred across our countries [sic] … about criminal aliens — people who have come to this country, people who are not legal, people who have created or come here after creating chaos.”

See, it wasn't JUST the murders in Virginia, but all these other times when Mexicans did the bad things. Sessions says many more dumb words in a row about the "criminal aliens" and the "sanctuary cities," and if you want to listen to it so bad, here, knock yourself out. The pertinent stuff starts at like the 1:20 mark:

Did you really just listen to that? You're Bored As Fuk, aren't you? Well if you DID listen, then you know Sessions's beliefs about the Asians aren't all sunshine, sushi and blowjobs, because check THIS out, which starts around 7:30:

There were some 60,000 foreigners from Asian countries who came to the United States of America for the sole point of delivering a baby and going home with a United States citizenship ability for their child. That is wrong!

So, we think this is what Sessions is trying to say: Guns don't kill people, people kill people because they're scared of all the differently colored people, mostly the dark Spanishes, and none of this would happen if we all looked like the Oriental Japaneses, who need to GO BACK TO THEIR COUNTRY.

Well, Jeb Bush probably agrees with that last part, what with how he says he only meant to be mean to Asians with his "anchor babies" remarks. Still doesn't make a fuckin' lick of sense.

[Think Progress]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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