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The crazy candidate lady Mary Lou is on the left, next to Ted Cruz's insane father.


[contextly_sidebar id="wDCqcmKXgnf8QvTnCTu5Z98Phb3nRm4G"]Time for a dispatch from Texas, where the book larnin' happens. The Texas Freedom Network, which does the yeoman's work of trying to keep actual education in Texas schools, would like to introduce us to Mary Lou Bruner of Mineola, Texas, who is running for the Texas State Board of Education, District 9. She has many ideas about many things, and she posts them on the Facespace.

Like did you know why Barack Obama is so gay for the homosexuals? DUH, it is because gay men are his hooker boner-sucker clients, and they pay him many dollars to do his signature move, which is probably called the O-Hummer or something:

Obama has a soft spot for homosexuals because of the years he spent as a male prostitute in his twenties. That is how he paid for his drugs. He has admitted he was addicted to drugs when he was young, and he is sympathetic with homosexuals; but he hasn’t come out of the closet about his own homosexual/bisexual background.

You probably want to see the screengrab of that one, doncha?

[contextly_sidebar id="tQtXT8KCk98SXxYTGGp1DgNmSWOxRjup"]Now, you may not remember the big sexxxy speech Obama gave where he admitted to drug addiction, but Mary Lou assures you, it totally happened. Oh hey look, this whole Obama Is A Gay Meth Whore conspiracy theory has been popular with fucking morons for quite a while!

But maybe Mary Lou doesn't believe it anymore. According to the Texas Tribune, when she finds out she has brain-sharted something onto the internet that she learns is verifiable bullshit, she will delete the post. That thing above? GONE. So maybe she's cool with Obama now and doesn't think he's anywhere near as gaytastic as she used to believe? Let's see what she told the Tribune reporter:

Asked specifically about the post and whether she still believes the president used to be a gay prostitute, Bruner said: "You are obviously a hostile and biased reporter pretending to be a friendly reporter to gain my confidence. The interview is over."

Okey dokey, Mary Lou! Gotta hate those "gotcha" questions that happen when a mean reporter asks a tinfoil hat-wearing candidate whether she really meant that thing about Barack Obama being so addicted to devil drugs he had to shove dicks up into his heinie for ca$h back in the day, like a typical Democrat.

[contextly_sidebar id="qdctWGuTNVwolAy2pXUfT1eTvB6eJb1y"]Another time she posted a thing written by Kirk Cameron, with her own personal commentary about how Noah The Ark Builder accidentally brought baby dinosaurs who were too young to be DTF onto Noah's Ark, which is why the dinosaurs went extinct, sadface emoji. Why didn't Noah think to check and make sure the dino-boners were old enough to do sex? Because God forgot to say that command to Noah.

“When the flood waters subsided and rushed to the oceans there was no vegetation on the earth because the earth had been covered with water. It might make sense to take the small dinosaurs onto the ark instead of the ones bigger than a bus. The dinosaurs on [Noah’s ark] may have been babies and not able to reproduce. After the flood, the few remaining Behemoths and Leviathans may have become extinct because there was not enough vegetation on earth for them to survive to reproductive age.”

Already, we see that Mary Lou has the sort of critical thinking skills necessary to educate a new generation of Texans AT LEAST half as good as the previous one.

Texas Freedom Network has some other fun screengrabs of Mary Lou's drunk (ON THE LORD) Facebook postings. She's against Black History Month, the climate change "HOAX," and of course Islam. Oh, and she's pretty sure she's figured out the JFK assassination. (SPOILER ALERT: It wasn't Barack Hussein Obama on a meth-bender with nine dicks in his mouth and an ass covered in glitter. OR WAS IT?)

Oh and surprise, she's an un-Christlike jizz biscuit when it comes to Syrian refugee BABIES WHO ARE DYING ON THE SHORES OF THE MEDITERRANEAN SEA. Guess, like the rest of the Republican Party, she's just too much of a pansy-assed white person to give a fuck:

I stand by my testimony and by my belief that the USA should not accept refugees for resettlement from countries controlled by ISIS when USA citizens KNOW many of the refugees are not refugees at all but Radical Islamic Terrorists who plan to kill as many USA citizens as possible.

We think that's enough Mary Lou for one day, don't you think? Eat a baby dinosaur dick, crazy woman.

[Texas Freedom Network / Texas Tribune via Towleroad]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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