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Thus saith the Flying Spaghetti Monster, AMEN.


And lo, it came to pass that in the land there was a plague of poor reading comprehension. The people did scan headlines on Twitter, and only skimmed the articles they even bothered to click through on. And an ignorance came upon the people, and they did follow false Gods.

-- Academicians, 4:30

Remember last week when Paul Ryan genuflected so hard he managed to step on his own Member? (Shouldn't have skipped leg day, Bro!) He fired the House chaplain, Father Patrick Conroy, for reminding Congress of Jesus's views on poor people.

"Padre, you just got to stay out of politics,ā€ Walker told the Jesuit priest after an invocation where Conroy hoped the burdens of the GOP tax bill wouldn't fall entirely on the poor.

Congressman Mark Walker lifted his eyes to the heavens in search of a way to make the crisis worse.

Iā€™m looking for somebody who has a little age, that has adult children, that kind of can connect with the bulk of the body here, Republicans and Democrats who are going through, back home the wife, the family.

Miracle of Miracles, North Carolina's brightest little penny had managed to convert the Evangelical vs. Catholic subtext into boldface wingdings. Democrats roundly condemned the firing, and several Catholic Republicans, including Peter King of New York, exploded in anger. Mazel Tov, Congressman Walker!

Having made his preference for a "non-denominational" married cleric known -- i.e. not a weirdass celibate Catholic -- Walker resigned from the search committee for Conroy's replacement.

And perhaps the story would have died, had not Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association revived it like Lazarus.

[Conroy] is an out gay man. He's married to a man -- quote, end quote. So a shameful move to put this guy in charge of the chaplaincy of the House in the first place. This is a great win. He's pro-gay, he's a homosexual guy that's married to a homosexual guy. Big win!

Now we are a simple heathen Hebrew, not a radio preacherman with a degree from the Dallas Theological Seminary. But even we know that Catholic priests don't get married. Not to women or men. Celibacy is kind of their thing.

Fischer was reading an article from NOT FAKE NEWS site Life Site, which linked to this tweet from Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney, a confessed Democrat and also gaymosexual married to same, and who is not Father Patrick Conroy.

Happens to the best of us, right? We get so carried away hating on gays that we forget to switch lanes and hate Catholics for a minute. That's probably how pastors wind up in the men's room with a rentboy. Gotta keep your eyes on the road! AND ON JESUS!

We look forward to Fischer's retraction and apology any second now.

BLESSINGS!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Please click here to fund us, as demanded by a righteous God of [insert your denomination here]!

[Right Wing Watch / Lifezette]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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