Thanks For All The Electoral Victories, Donald! Love, Nancy Pelosi And The Deep State Liberals
Remember Wednesday when Donald Trump gave that bat guano insane press conference congratulating himself for losing the House? President Sundowner said a lot of craycray shit that day, but crapping all over Republicans who lost in swing districts because they didn't support him was pretty next level.
By any measure, the GOP got shellacked in the House, with losses headed for about 35 to 40 seats, since voters preferred the Democrats by a 7 point margin. They lost Senate races in swingy Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Nevada, and Virginia, and are currently tied in Arizona and Florida. (And in known swing state "Texas," they came within THREE POINTS of losing.) But in Donald Trump's scrambled egg brain, the problem was that Rep. Barbara Comstock didn't kiss Trump's ass enough. If she and Carlos Curbelo had just campaigned wearing MAGA hats, in districts Clinton won by double digits, they would have coasted to victory! Like Scott Walker in Wisconsin, and Adam Laxalt in Nevada, and Jim Renacci in Ohio, and Matt Rosendale in Montana, and Lena Epstein in Michigan, and ummmm ...
Here on Planet Earth, Trump's habit of endorsing the person who strokes his orange ego the hardest -- as opposed to the strongest candidate in the district -- seems to have actively harmed Republicans on election day.
Take South Carolina's first Congressional District, which Mark Sanford won by 22 points in 2016. Sanford made the unpardonable error of criticizing the Dear Leader and agreeing that the president ought to release his tax returns, so Donald Trump made damn sure that Sanford would lose his primary to wingnut Katie Arrington.
Which is how Democrat Joe Cunningham won Tuesday in a R+10 district. In true Trump style, Arrington blamed Sanford, saying, "We lost because Mark Sanford could not understand this was about the conservative movement, and not him." THANKS, DONALD TRUMP!
In Georgia, the local GOP vastly preferred Lieutenant Governor Casey Cagle in the Republican gubernatorial primary. But Secretary of State Brian Kemp whispered sweet nothings into Trump's earhairs.
And even though Kemp humped Trump's leg for the entire campaign and booted more than a million voters off the rolls and ratfucked as hard as he could, he's still fighting for his life against superhero Stacey Abrams. Would Cagle, a normal Republican who is less viscerally repulsive than Kemp, be battling to avoid a runoff in a state Trump won by five points in 2016? Not likely. So, THANKS, DONALD!
But nowhere did Trump more spectacularly screw Republicans than in Kansas, where his endorsement propelled lunatic Kris Kobach to victory in the primary over sitting Governor Jeff Colyer. The local GOP begged Trump to stay out of the race, but he moved on Kansas like a bitch. Only he couldn't get there! In a state with three registered Republicans for every single Democrat.
The Kansas City Star has a post mortem on Kobach's hilariously incompetent campaign.
Interviews with more than a dozen Republican strategists and officials paint a picture of a candidate who refused to listen to advice, was unwilling to put energy into fundraising and failed to set up a basic "get out the vote" operation.
Kobach, the Kansas secretary of state, struggled to pay his campaign staff on time and at one point lacked a working phone system at his Johnson County campaign office, according to GOP sources familiar with the campaign. And people who offered to volunteer were never contacted.
"It was the most dysfunctional thing I've ever seen in my life," said a long-time GOP operative in Kansas.
Kobach trusted that his regular presence on cable news, dominance in headlines and the full-throated support of President Donald Trump would carry him to victory, strategists told The Star. He also expected independent Greg Orman to siphon more votes from Democrat Laura Kelly than he actually did.
In the meantime, Democrat Laura Kelly racked up endorsements from several former Republican governors and former longtime Kansas Senator Nancy Kassebaum. Clearly their support mattered more than the reflected orange glow from the Excrescence-In-Chief! THANKS, DONALD!
Hey, you know who else's endorsement is better than Trump's?
That's right, it's Barack Obama, that guy who won the popular vote twice. SAD.
So, from the bottom of our cynical, liberal hearts, THANKS, DONALD! And please, keep going with your gut and picking winners in the primaries. No one understands local politics like you, buddy!
MAGA! MAGA! MAGA!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.