Looks like a winner

Important announcement: Jeb Bush is still running for president. Yeah, we kind of forgot too. But Jeb hasn't forgotten, and neither has Donald Trump, because Donald Trump is cowering in a corner, pissing his pants that Jeb is about to close the 31-point gap between them.

What? No! That's crazy! But Jeb says it's true, so it must be true. That's the only possible reason Trump spent, like, a whole minute the other day making fun of how Jeb is losing so hard, despite spending $79 million on ads and his pathetic "Jeb can fix it!" reboot that still hasn't boosted his poll numbers out of "the basement."

On CNN, Wolf Blitzer made Jeb watch a clip of Trump's latest Jeb-kicking (so mean, Wolf!) and then asked Jeb if he'd like to respond or just run away and cry to his mama, who doesn't care because even she doesn't like him. Jeb chose poorly:

Well, Wolf, look. He's not going to win the presidency by tearing me down, or tearing women down, or tearing the disabled down, more importantly, or calling John McCain a loser because he was a POW. Or tearing Hispanics down. That's not how you win! That's how you lose.

Well, ACTUALLY, Trump's numbers go up every time he attacks someone, and also, if that is a sure-fire way to lose, how come Jeb has done the same thing? Or are we supposed to forget that time Jeb said he was "not sure we need a half a billion dollars for women's health issues"? Or that time he clarified he only means to insult Asians when he uses the slur "anchor babies"? Or that time he insisted "we should not have a multicultural society," after boasting about his own multicultural family? Or that time he -- oh, you get the point.

So if beating up Jeb is no way to beat Jeb, even though Trump is totally beating Jeb, why is Trump beating up Jeb?

The reason why he attacks me is he's scared of me. He's insecure. He doesn't believe that he can take me on. And while I'm doing worse than him in the polls, the simple fact is, why would he spend his time tearing down someone who's so low compared to him. This is because we're moving up. And I believe that he believes that we're the real challenge for his winning the nomination.

Um, we don't know what primary Jeb's been watching, but it sure isn't the 2016 Republican primary. Because HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT? We've been watching Trump take on Jeb and kick his ass and make the whole country talk about what a sad pathetic "low energy" loser Jeb is for so many months now, we're amazed Trump even bothers to mention his name at all anymore. He's pretty much moved on to beating up that foreigner Ted Cruz and looking into very discreet rehab facilities for his new playmate, Sarah Palin. (We assume.)

[contextly_sidebar id="G2J6IH3ydpfwavCDq40hfXC37igrGerr"]Jesus Christ, Jeb, we know you want it to be over soon. And it will be, we promise. Maybe just be quiet now, let the Republican primary voters send you home, and stop saying things to embarrass yourself even more.

[Video via TPM]


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