Eric Cantor: Former House Majority Leader, Current Nobody

[Ed. Note: Eric Cantor, remember that guy? He used to be somebody, in Congress, we think, before he was a loser nobody, but now he's a somebody again, because he just got swooped up by Jeb! Bush to -- OK, never mind he is still a loser. But once upon a time, he jobbed in the House of Representatives, and had some "thoughts" about Labor Day, and his "thoughts" were entirely wrong. Let us remember them, and laugh at them, together, in this Wonkette classic from 2012.]

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The Republican Party loves Labor Day so much that it's gone and created a whole new special double version of it, on the same day. This one, however, celebrates the historical enemy of organized labor, the Noble Small Businessman. Everyone, quick, whip your cat'o nine tails at the nearest laborers to honor the owners of capital. "Today," Richmond plantation master Rep. Eric Cantor wrote on the Twitter yesterday, "we celebrate those who have taken a risk, worked hard, built a business and earned their own success." So yeah, he got Labor Day exactly wrong, but he knows that, and that's why he's generally considered an unlikable person.

Today, we celebrate those who have taken a risk, worked hard, built a business and earned their own success.

— Eric Cantor (@GOPLeader) September 3, 2012

Let's make several other Conservative Opposite Holidays!

• Thanksgiving: Murder Bomb Day.
• Martin Luther King Jr. Day: Woolworth's Lunch Counter Appreciation Day.
• Christmas: Stop the War on Christmas Day.

Actually "Murder Bomb Day" would pretty much cover them all.

[Twitter]