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Jeff Sessions, he's this guy. Total racist. Southern dick. Calls grown black lawyer-men "boy" and such (allegedly). Thinks laws banning Asian people and Jews were awesome. Much missed at the Keebler elf tree for his skill with the chocolate striping. About to gut the Civil Rights division and every other good thing from the Justice Department, at the behest of his lord and seigneur Donald Trump. Probably gonna let him grab his wife's pussy too. After all, it's the polite thing to do. What's a little sexual assault among friends?


Well, here's a fun little GOTCHA that boomeranged into a GOTCHEE! When Sally Yates, whom "President" Donald Trump fired last night as acting Attorney General -- not for "insubordination," because that is a big grownup word, but for "betraying" the administration by telling him (paraphrase) "actually, the Muslim Ban is not lawful on its face, you three-year-old with very normal sized hands (for a three-year-old)" -- was first being confirmed for her big Justice Department job under Loretta Lynch, Jeff Sessions had some questions for her.

He seemed pretty convinced that Barack Obama was a big tyrant doing big tyrant things, like -- are you old enough to remember this too? -- signing an executive order saying kids who grew up in the US weren't a priority for deportation. Man, what an unlawful order THAT was, can you even IMAGINE? Anyway, Sessions:

"You have to watch out because people will be asking you to do things and you need to say no. You think the Attorney General has the responsibility to say no to the President if he asks for something that's improper? A lot of people have defended the Lynch nomination, for example by saying 'well, he appoints somebody who's going to execute his views, what's wrong with that?' But if the views the President wants to execute are unlawful, should the Attorney General or the Deputy Attorney General say no?"

Oh man, what a gotcha, because obviously, Sally Yates will be like "no, I have no independent judgment as a professional and human being, I am just a total apparatchik. You're probably looking for Dana Boente, that dude is conscientious and independent AS FUCK."

Oh, did she not say that? She said this instead?

"Senator, I believe the Attorney General or the Deputy Attorney General has an obligation to follow the law and the Constitution and to give their independent legal advice to the President."

Weird.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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John Sanders high-fives a child who is not in a filthy border jail run by his agency. (US CBP photo)

The news is coming at us so fast we have to double up stories -- like little children being crammed into border detention cells without enough blankets for everyone, that is what it is like. Tuesday, we learned Acting Customs and Border Protection Commissioner John Sanders, who has only been in the job for two months, will resign effective July 5, and will be replaced by current Acting ICE Director Mark Morgan.

The news of Sanders's resignation came by pure coincidence just hours after a CBP official told the Washington Post that 100 children would be returned to a Border Patrol detention facility in Clint, Texas; this was quite a surprise given that CBP had rushed to get over 300 kids out of that same border jail starting Monday, after lawyers reported the kids were filthy and poorly fed, and that the care of very young children had been left to slightly older kids -- like seven and eight years old. Probably just a coincidence that Sanders is deserting ship just as the news is full of just how horrible those baby jails were -- in this administration, that's something to be proud of.

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