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Say, where ARE eagles' tear ducts?

Donald Trump has been out and about throwing Tough Guy Fist Pumps and a big thumbs up to commemorate 9/11, so it's a pretty good time to also remember how other Great Americans responded to the tragedy. There's no doubt Trump was the day's greatest hero, for suddenly owning downtown Manhattan's tallest building and helping to clear the rubble, not to mention keeping an eye on all those dancing Muslims in Jersey City. All while mourning the "hundreds and hundreds" of friends who died in the attacks. He was pretty much omnipresent on 9/11, apart from the part where most of that is bullshit (the call to brag about now owning the tallest building was true, though).

But don't let Trump's glorious heroism blind you to the courage of others' contributions, like the important work Brett Kavanaugh did following 9/11/01, like when he helped frame thinking on how completely the Bush administration could screw Muslims in the USA (which he may have lied about in judicial confirmation hearings). Also, too, as early as October 2001, Kavanaugh was helping with plans to limit compensation of 9/11 victims to just $500,000, as the New York Daily News reported at the end of August.


As Congress was debating the parameters of the fund, Kavanaugh wrote to Bush aide Kristen Silverberg on Oct. 14, 2001, that questions were being raised about "3 aspects of our proposal" including a "$500,000 cap."

Fortunately, Senator Chuck Schumer and others in Congress didn't let that bullshit go through. The government eventually put in place a Victims Compensation Fund headed by Kenneth Feinberg, and there were no limits placed on the amount of compensation awarded to survivors and their family members. Feinberg

decided compensation based on a number of factors such as "the economic loss suffered as a result of the victim's premature death" as well as "pain and suffering."

Payments ranged from $220,000 to as high as $7.1 million. The average payout was $1.8 million, dwarfing the proposed cap.

The fund was conceived of as a way to keep airlines from going under because of post-9/11 litigation: In order to get compensation from the fund, victims had to waive their right to sue the airlines' contracted security guards for missing the hijackers' knives at gate security.

Nonetheless, 95 families elected not to apply for the fund -- they went ahead and sued, and the airlines eventually settled out of court for a reported total of $500 million, which even with a standard attorneys' take of 33 percent, works out to around $3.5 million per family.

Now don't you go spoiling your Patriots Day fist jabbing and thumbs-upsing by getting down on ol' Brett for helping Dubya try to do 9/11 on the cheap, because White House spokesdouche Raj Shah already has it covered, explaining,

As a public servant on Sept. 11, 2001, Judge Kavanaugh confronted many difficult, at times unprecedented, legal issues in the aftermath of the worst terrorist attack on our soil.

It was hard, and also he was doing what he thought best, bless his heart.

Chuck Schumer, on the other hand, had to go and politicize this sacred day, twelve days ago, by suggesting the zillions of pages of unreleased Kavanaugh documents might contain even more stuff on Kavanaugh's efforts to bring fiscal discipline to national disasters.

"This window into the thinking of Brett Kavanaugh days after the horrific 9/11 terror attack raises real questions about Judge Kavanaugh's priorities and judgement, but it doesn't tell us everything we are entitled to know," said Schumer.

"Millions of pages just like these remain locked up and withheld from public view for no good reason. These documents prove we need his entire record, no matter how bad it looks."

How dare he talk about windows when Donald Trump had to look out his own window on 9/11 and see hundreds of possible friends die. Or when Tucker Carlson is bravely moving the Overton Window on diversity. We are sick of seeing 9/11 be used as a political football, and by the way, aren't those America-hating football players awful, besmirching the sacred dead of 9/11, too?

In conclusion, HAPPY 9/11 AMERICA 9/11 DAY #NUMBER ONE!!!!

[NYDN / Rolling Stone]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Deutsche Bank shitcanned its own internal compliance reports to disappear suspicious Trump and Kushner transactions and make sure Treasury never got wind of them? You mean the bank that continued to make loans to Trump after every other lender tapped out, that accepted his overnight doubling of his "net worth" by claiming his brand was worth $4 billion, that continued to write him checks after he defaulted and then sued them claiming the 2008 financial crisis was an "act of God?" Those prudent beancounters cut corners to benefit their wealthy clients? FAM, WE ARE SHOOK.

No, not really. It would be shocking to find out that the private wealth managers let algorithms work their magic on high net worth individuals and turned the reports over to Treasury like they would for some guy making $75,000 who got a $19,000 wire from the Isle of Man. The rules for rich people are different, and Deutsche Bank did not get to be part of the "Global Laundromat" by taking all those anti-money laundering statutes literally. (And if you think the other big banks aren't doing the exact same thing, the Easter Bunny has a bridge to sell you. This is why Elizabeth Warren freaks the finance guys out -- she knows where all the bodies are buried.)

At the same time, this story in the New York Times about Deutsche Bank compliance officer Tammy McFadden getting fired for pointing out Trump and Kush's hinky transactions in 2016 -- including some with Russians, natch -- is pretty ridiculous. With regulators on two continents breathing down their necks for laundering Russian money, DB's private wealth bankers were allowed to swoop in and save their clients from any of that icky federal snooping into their questionable transactions.

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To be honest, we're not 100 percent sure who's right in the argument over whether 2020 Democratic primary candidates should do town halls on Fox News, though we suspect it's Elizabeth Warren, because she's usually right. But if you are going to do it, then Pete Buttigieg showed us all how you should do it, which is to make sure you get all the way under the skin of Fox News's most regular viewer, the chunk of human cells and pigshit who lounges around the White House all day watching TV and apparently not (thank God) doing much work.

In fact, the president was whining hours before the town hall even started:

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