The 546,878 Dumbest, Most Racist GOP Arguments Against DC Statehood
The House of Representatives passed a bill this morning to make Washington DC the country's 49th largest state out of 51. (This is important for reasons that will be evident later in this post.) The bill, HR 51, was introduced by Democratic DC Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton, who is merely a "delegate" because the 700,000+ residents of DC don't have a full member of Congress.
The vote was along party lines, 216 to 208. The issue, of course, is just a complete fucking no-brainer, and not just because it would give Democrats two more senators, which would partially counteract how fundamentally undemocratic (small "d") the Senate is.
It faces an uphill path in the Senate, to say the least.
We just correctly stated that granting DC statehood is a no-brainer, but have you met Joe Manchin? "I got so many things on my plate that I haven't even gotten to that yet," Manchin told CNN about granting statehood to the place where he lives on a houseboat when he's at work in the Senate. (Why? Not for any cool reasons, but because he just hates DC so much, poor thing should fuck off.)
It was reported this week that Senate Democrats had brought in Joe Lieberman to help make DC a state, because ????????. He's going to be trying to swing uncommitted Dems to support it, and also Republicans. So that's ... ???????????
We'll letcha know if it looks like that patented Joementum Lieberman Magic has brought all reticent Democrats and also 10 Republicans to the proverbial yard of DC statehood's milkshake.
(Heeeeeeeey, idea! We wonder if this might be a good time to ... fuck the filibuster back to the hell from whence it came?)
Speaking of Republicans, they've spent the last week getting dumber and more racist with their arguments against DC statehood. As New York Rep. Mondaire Jones said,
"One of my House Republican colleagues said that D.C. shouldn't be a state because the District doesn't have a landfill," said Jones. "My goodness, with all the racist trash my colleagues have brought to this debate, I can see why they're worried about having a place to put it."
New allegedly "moderate" GOP South Carolina Rep. Nancy Mace, a moron, stood in front of a camera this week and said with her mouth, out loud where people could hear her, that "DC wouldn't even qualify as a singular congressional district." Mace was apparently oblivious to the fact that DC is larger than the states of Wyoming and Vermont, both of which have two senators and a congressman. Mace also apparently had not been informed that DC is larger than fully 77 of the 435 congressional districts. Mace was further ignorant of the fact that she was standing in front of Liz Cheney, the congresswoman from Wyoming, who represents nine cows, four ranchers, and a handful of rich people in Jackson Hole.
Several weeks ago, House Republican morons argued that DC couldn't be a state because, as Rep. Glenn Grothman of Wisconsin said, you can't do mining or milk a cow there, and, as Rep. Jody Hice said, DC doesn't even have car dealerships. Those two are easily rebutted, because DC does indeed have car dealerships, and if cows are so fucking important, we're sure DC could set up some sort of rent-a-cow program so it always has something available for milking. Call Devin Nunes. He's a dairy farmer, allegedly. He prob has the cow hookup, allegedly.
But this week, Rep. Steve Scalise just went balls-out racist, arguing in a memo that DC couldn't be a state because it "can't perform basic governmental duties like protecting its residents from criminals" and because it's just too corrupt to be a state. Oh yes, and Scalise argues that DC can't balance its budget. Jonathan Chait spent time this week debunking every one of Scalise's smears. For one, Scalise is just straight-up lying about DC's budget, which is doing just great, thank you. Chait notes that the report Scalise cited for DC's supposed budget woes is actually 17 years old.
As for the violent crime and the corruption, Chait notes that it's kinda funny coming from Scalise, considering how his home state of Louisiana is consistently the most murder-y and most corrupt state in the entire country.
Oh, and another thing about Scalise's argument about DC's "corruption." Chait notes that Scalise's argument "leans heavily on the record of former mayor Marion Barry, who was indeed corrupt — like many public officials, especially the ones in Louisiana — but left office more than two decades ago and has been dead for more than half a dozen years."
So let's just read between the lines here and go with "Steve Scalise doesn't think DC should be a state because it's too full of Black people."
So anyway, those were all arguments from House Republicans, where the bill for DC statehood passed this morning. Expect the hysteria and dumbness from GOP senators to get even stupider.
But for now, hey, good job, Democrats. Just another day of actually going to work and trying to help the American people, even the ones Republicans hate because they're white supremacists.
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