The Aubergine Testament: God Sends Special Eggplant Message To Louisiana Restaurant
In what is being hailed as a miracle, at least in teevee news copy, God sent a special message to a restaurant employee in the form of His name, in English, spelled out in the seeds of an eggplant. Here's the breathless news of the miraculous apparition at Gino's Restaurant in Baton Rouge:
Chef Jermarcus Brady couldn't believe what he was seeing. "I saw a miraculous image formed by the seeds," said Jermarcus Brady. "It spelled out the word God!" Chef Brady has many responsibilities, one being cutting, salting and sauteing eggplants.
"When you sliced into it, the pattern showed from the seeds that were forming in the inside the letters G-O-D as God," said Brady. "I couldn't think of anything. I just had to tell somebody to come look at it."
And the story goes on, at length, about how inspirational this is.
Mr. Brady, we learn,
is no stranger to life's struggle, and his faith has gotten him through. He raised four kids on a limited income before becoming a chef. He says the significance of the rare eggplant seeds aren't lost on him.
And just like the Bible says, a little eggplant shall lead them. Florida station WTSP managed a full two-minute report on the phenomenon without mentioning the word "paredolia," which would have been educational but may also have elicited complaints from people oohing and ahhing over the Miracle of the Eggplant.
Restaurateur Gino Marino also expressed amazement -- he's been in the business of slicing eggplant and other comestibles for 50 years, and has never seen the like:
"You could cut one million eggplants and you'd probably never see that again, it's that rare," said Marino. "God is within us and he has different ways of showing it in our lives, and this is just one way of showing it."
Wonkette addressed several queries to the Almighty, seeking comment on why He chose to reveal His existence through an arrangement of eggplant seeds rather than through curing cancer or spelling out a proof of Fermat's Last Theorem in the stars, but received no return call as of press time. A spokesman for Fascinus, the divine phallus, did offer to show us several amusing photos of unusually shaped carrots and zucchini.
[WTSP-TV via snowpointsecret in Wonkville]
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. Yes, he does whisper "There's no air. It wouldn't go ka-boom!" during the Death Star explosion scene.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.