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Emboldened by last week's victory for the rights of gun-humpers to be able to ALSO be able to hump bullets, Field Marshall Sarah Palin presses forward. She has offered the Kenyan tyrant Obama clear and simple terms: abolish the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF), and we will spare you our screeching. And, instead of listening to her, the Kenyan tyrant sits alone in his empty palace, a place that collaborators and the weak-willed still call the White House, and he does NOTHING.


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That's Sarah Palin's reading of recent history, anyway, laid out in a post titled "End the ATF," which has an inexplicably clickbaity headline for content published behind a paywall. Here's what she thinks happened, and no, Palin did not steal the idea for this video from from this month-old Washington Times story, heavens no.

Just weeks after your public comments and your public outrage caused the ATF to back off their ridiculous ban on a popular type of rifle ammunition, the ATF director is stepping down. And now Congress is looking at ways to shrink the ATF's authority. Good! That's your influence!

QUICK LITTLE FACT CHECK FOR YOU THERE, GOVERNOR. Former ATF director B. Todd Jones left the agency at the end of March, when he started as the NFL's new chief disciplinary officer. Jones's new compensation package has not been disclosed, but considering that his new boss made $44 million in 2013, Yr Wonket is willing to guess that Jones will be making just a bit more money at his new private-sector job. Also, B. Todd Jones was a United States Marine, MA'AM, why does Sarah Palin hate our troops?

So Sarah Palin is wrong about a thing, big deal, she is wrong literally all the time. That has never stopped her from stoking the yokels' grievances before, and she is not going to let it slow her down now.

Like every branch of government, the ATF, if it exists at all, should exist to protect constitutional rights, not to violate them. The Second Amendment protects private gun ownership, and it also protects the right to own ammunition! It's pure common sense. But I suppose it takes a federal agency stocked with lawyers to ignore common sense, ignore the Constitution, and really overstep its bounds.

1. The ATF is not a branch of government. It is a federal law enforcement agency housed within one of the fifteen Executive branch departments. A former governor should know this.

B. The Second Amendment, like all other Constitutional rights, is neither absolute nor unlimited. President Reagan recognized this when he signed the Law Enforcement Officers Protection Act of 1985, which banned the use of armor-piercing ammunition in handguns.

III. Shut up shut up, we can't believe you don't shut up!

In addition to lying about the ATF, Governor Quitterface took some time to talk about a previously unpublished article by veteran Nevada reporter Jon Ralston, which accuses Senator Harry Reid of "using the same tactics that Joe McCarthy used," when he claimed on the Senate floor that Mitt Romney hadn't paid taxes in ten years. (Palin heard about the article from a two-week-old Washington Post story, of course.)

Yr Wonkette sort of agrees with Ralston, even if we think the McCarthy comparison is overblown. (For reference, Yr Wonkette also completely disagrees with Ralston. We contain multitudes.) But the fun part of this video comes at the end, which we have transcribed because we love you:

How ironic, that it's the Democrats proven in this case, and so many cases, to be the ones who don't play by the rules and are not honest. And so we ended up with a Commander-in-Chief who hasn't met a rule that applies to him yet.

He uses the IRS, for instance, as a tool against his political enemies — he perceives as political enemies, anyway — and he who has tried to shape the nation into his own image, this utopian world, that he thinks he, kind of as a, bit of a suggested, uh, self-proclaimed messiah, believes that he can create? Pretty warped thinking, Democrats.

Pretty warped thinking indeed! Palin then concludes by calling upon both the blamestream media and We The People to "hold politicians accountable for their lies," and we couldn't agree with her more.

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Here is the video, watch it and let the hate flow through you:

AND NOW BREATHE OUT. It will make you feel better, until next time Sarah Palin says something stupid.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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