The Gentleman From Arkansas Will Give Poor Women IUDs To Stop Birthing Trash
You are not going to believe it, but there is a very conservative Republican state representative in Arkansas who wants to give taxpayer-funded birth control to ladies. Hooray and high-five, fellow feminazis, we have won the war at last! Let us now live in our misandrist matriarchal utopia happily ever after, the end.
But not quite. There is one tiny catch:
Rep. Kim Hammer, R-Benton, filed HB 1868, under which an unwed mother of one child who is receiving Medicaid benefits would receive reimbursement from the state Medicaid program for the cost of implanting a contraceptive device that is effective for five years or longer.
“Often young people make decisions and they get a sense that they don’t want to make that decision again for a while. We need to give them a little bit of a breather to think about their life decisions that are affecting us as taxpayers,” Hammer said.
So it's not that state Rep. Kim Hammer wants women to have affordable access to family planning so much as he wants those dirty whores to stop having dirty whore bastard babies because that is unfair to all those morally superior and sexually responsible taxpayers who know how to keep their sexparts zipped up tight.
That's a little different, isn't it?
Rep. Hammer, you will be not amazed or even the slightest bit shocked to learn, is not such a big fan of health care for ladies after all. His proposed bill -- An Act To Create A Contraception Incentive For Medicaid Beneficiaries; And For Other Purposes [Like Being A Raging Dickhole] -- only allows single mothers to access government-funded contraception, like an IUD "or other similar reversible birth control device with a five (5) year or longer period of effectiveness." A five-year minimum is quite a "little bit of a breather," wouldn't you say?
So no taxpayer-funded birth control for married ladies, because they should probably be popping out all the babies they can, for Jesus. And as for those women who do not yet have children and would like to prevent having children in the first place? Too bad for them, they'll have to pop out the required one kid first, and then Hammer will consider them worthy of his generosity. Not that his proposed legislation is intended to benefit women at all; it's for the poor overburdened taxpayers who get stuck footing the bill for those gross low-income children, and it says right there in the Bible that Jesus hated the poor and sure didn't want to have any more of those around, sucking up our precious resources.
Hammer's record on not giving a good goddamn about women is quite well-established. As a proud graduate of the (unaccredited) Trinity College of the Bible and a pastor in the Saline Missionary Baptist Church, Hammer knows that in most cases, ladies don't need no stinkin' health care at all. That's why he has a nearly flawless record of voting to prohibit all abortions, all funding for abortions, or saying the word "abortion" in anything but a shameful whisper. He also opposes "universally-accessible, publicly-administered health insurance" and "expanding access to health care through commercial health insurance reform."
And, not that you were in doubt, but yes, he does meet the Whackadoodle Wingnut Conservative Purity Test on all other issues you'd rather not imagine without a big bottle of hard liquor nearby. He does not care for The Gays doing marriage, or even civil unions, to each other, OF COURSE. Guns for everyone, without any restrictions whatsoever, including places of worship? You bet! Capital punishment because every life is sacred except for not every life because COME ON, some people just need killing? Obviously. Dress codes and teaching kids the Bible in public schools? Duh. Driver's license exams in English only? Naturally. Mandatory photo IDs for voting? Pffft, like you even have to ask.
So it seems we can put down the high-fives, ladies, because the gentleman from Arkansas is not our new feminist hero after all. He's just our typical Bible-humping hypocritical conservative who loves all the babies SO MUCH he wants to save every last one of them so we can execute them later if they grow up to do crimes -- except for the wrong kind of babies born to the wrong kind of mothers. He'd rather not have those around, thank you very much, because ugh and eww, and won't someone PLEASE think of the taxpayers?
We now return you to your regularly scheduled patriarchy, the end. For real this time.