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The Gulf Coast: Come For the Dead Baby Dolphins, Stay and Get Sick

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  • Almost a year after the worst oil spill in Recorded History, the picturesque Gulf Coast is once again teeming with life: From Mexico to Florida, small children are building sand condos, birds are squawking "thanks for cleaning all that oil off me, you guys rule," and delicious popcorn shrimps are jumping out of the clean blue water, in hopes that someone will eat them. Ha-ha, actually: All the foolish children who like playing on the beach have been poisoned by toxic BP dispersants, all the birds are dead (probably), and DON'T EAT THAT POPCORN SHRIMP! Scientific data suggests that the Gulf Coast is being molested by downpours of toxic rain -- and did we mention all the dead baby dolphins, and how there is a gag order preventing scientists from discussing why all these baby dolphins are washing up on the shores, dead as can be? (Uh, BP just announced that it will not compensate a whole bunch of poisoned, oil-ravaged communities. Instead, BP's claims processing CEO will raise money for Bobby Jindal.) [WHNT/HuffPo/Al Jazeera]
  • Japan is on "maximum alert," which probably won't prevent radioactive liquid from seeping into the ground/water supply/everything. Meanwhile, radiation from the Fukushima plant has been detected in Glasgow. [AP]


  • A Wal-Mart gender discrimination case will be heard by the Supreme Court. [CNN]

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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Times have been tough for those Trump supporters who are fine with his rampant bigotry but are discovering he's going to screw them like any number of non-wife-like women he totally swears he's never met.

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