Time for the latest dispatches from chucklefuck Lev Parnas's phone on the Trumpland conspiracy to frame Joe Biden. The newest doc dump from the House Intel and Judiciary Committees contains three different PDFs, plus a voicemail. The first comprises messages between Parnas and Devin Nunes's aide Derek Harvey, the second pertains to surveillance of our ambassador in Ukraine, Marie Yovanovitch, and the third is just photos of Lev Parnas, who takes more selfies than Kim Kardashian, documenting his position at the center of Trumpworld. Let's get at it.

Devin Nunes, Moo Got Some Splainin' to Do!

Friday night we got a peek at Lev's messages with Derek Harvey, Devin Nunes's top Intel staffer, and -- SURPRISE -- they back up Parnas's allegation that the congressman was up to his udders in the Biden smear. Parnas served as a conduit between Nunes and corrupt Ukrainian prosecutors willing to say more or less anything for a price, including Viktor Shokin and Yuriy Lutsenko.

As Parnas told Rachel Maddow last week, "Derek Harvey had several interviews, Skype interviews I set up, with different prosecutors like [Nazar] Kholodnytsky, which is the anti-corruption prosecutor of Ukraine, Konstantyn Kulyk, one of the major guys that's had this whole Biden stuff."

At the same time, Harvey was pumping Parnas for dirt on the Clinton Foundation. Because it will always and forever be 2016.


So at the very moment when Devin Nunes was screaming bloody murder about Chris Steele's unverified dossier, he was embarking on a wild goose chase based on a "hunch" that US aid money "would get grafted by UKR officials, in exchange for $ then given to Clinton Foundation or other social justice causes." Which ... makes no goddamn sense at all. But anyway, mooooooovin' on.

On multiple occasions, Harvey seems to have met up with the "BLT Team," so named because the Biden smear conspirators met in a back room of the BLT restaurant at Trump's DC hotel.

The gang included Giuliani, Parnas and his chucklefuck buddy Igor Fruman, hairball lawyers Victoria Toensing and her husband Joe diGenova, Hill reporter John Solomon, and sometimes Derek Harvey. Harvey's texts mention other meetings at "the Trump" on April 11 and 30.

Parnas's date with the Rachel Maddow program miraculously refreshed Devin Nunes's memory, so he sprinted over to Fox on Wednesday to tell Martha McCallum that oh, hey now that you mention it he did have a conversation with Lev Parnas after all. Last month he insisted to Hannity that it was "very unlikely I will be taking calls from random people," but now he says "I checked it with my records, and it was very clear — I remember that call, which was very odd, random, talking about random things, and I said, 'great,' you know, 'talk to my staff,' and boom, boom, boom. That's just normal operating procedure."

And that was before Schiff published Harvey's texts! His memory must be even more refreshed now!

CA-WHO-EY?

We regret to inform you that another fucking moron has entered the frame. This time it's a Trump-loving "banker" named Anthony de Caluwe who lives in Belgium and appears to have been feeding info on Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch's whereabouts in Kiev to Robert Hyde, the wannabe congressman from East Drunkhampton, Connecticut.

Hyde sent screenshots of his conversations with Caluwe to Parnas as proof that he was actually surveilling Yovanovitch.

The House also posted a four-second WhatsApp voice message that appears to be from de Caluwe saying, "It's confirmed, she's in Ukraine."

After first denying to NBC that he ever corresponded with Hyde about Yovanovitch, de Caluwe later apologized for "contributing to any confusion through these communications," saying, "My engagement in this exchange with Rob is something that has no credibility. My friendship with Rob was jovial and this exchange was just a part of a ridiculous banter."

Then his "spokeswoman" Karyn Turk released a statement saying, "Anthony understands how these exchanges released in the media yesterday look. He has never had any contacts in the Ukraine." At which point everyone in media went, "Wait, is that the Karyn Turk from Florida who used to be Mrs. Florida and now she pals around with Roger Stone? Didn't that wackadoo get convicted for stealing her mother's social security checks last week? How the hell did she get in this story?"

Reached for comment, Parnas's pal Robert Hyde said:

The Donald Trump socks and the pink tie poking out the crotch is what we call GRAVITAS.

Don't Know Her? DON'T THINK SO!

The last packet of documents posted Friday is just 15 pages of photos of Parnas with Trumpland figures. Here's one from the bar at Mar-a-Lago, where they keep this freaky-ass portrait of Trump to leer over the guests.

Here's another shot of the place settings at Mar-a-Lago. Parnas sits next to the president and opposite super-lobbyist Brian Ballard, a huge Trump fundraiser whom Parnas planned to hire for $100,000/month to lobby Congress in relation to the Ukraine scheme -- whether on behalf of Giuliani or the hairballs is unclear. Later Ballard was subpoenaed in the Parnas/Giuliani investigation.

Here's the management team for the last Dodge dealership in Evanston. The detail guys are going to be working overtime to get the smell of farts and cigar smoke out of the Caravan they drove to this sales convention.

And speaking of, ummm, smoking ... Parnas's weed lawyer Joseph Bondy is ready to set fire to half of DC. Volume up!

This is kind of a big fucking deal, so let's spend a hot second unpacking it. Before Parnas decided he wasn't going to take one for the Trump team, he was briefly represented by John Dowd and Kevin Downing. Dowd was formerly the president's lawyer and continues to float around in Trump's orbit, and Downing represented Paul Manafort. When Parnas and Fruman got subpoenaed in the impeachment inquiry, Rudy set them up with Dowd. Naturally Trump waived his conflicts -- a pretty good signal that he knew who Parnas was and wanted to keep him on-side.

After his arrest, Parnas said that Dowd and Downing came to jail and told him to shut up and quit complaining that his former friends, for whom he had been traipsing all over Eastern Europe trying to dig up dirt, weren't coming out to support him. As Parnas told Rachel Maddow:

It was his condescending attitude toward basically, like, who do you think you are telling the president or Giuliani or anybody to, like, come out and because I – one of the things I said, I said, I can't believe nobody is coming out in our defense and saying we didn't do anything wrong, we're good citizens, you know, we work.

And basically word for word, and then I said, if you don't get out of here right now, something bad is going to happen because I don't want to see the two of you.

But before the arrest, Dowd sent this email to the legal team saying:

We are sending a letter to the intel committee to eliminate any doubt that Igor and Lev will appear to answer questions because we are not prepared to do so. We are tempted to take on a challenge to the legitimacy of the inquiry without all the bells and whistles. It would help to know if the Boss/WH is going to challenge.

And if you think that sounds like he's representing Donald Trump's interests and not Lev Parnas's, you can just look at the addressee list. It includes four of the president's personal lawyers (Giuliani, Jay Sekulow, and Jane and Martin Raskin, three of whom intend to have speaking roles at the upcoming impeachment trial), Dmitry Firtash's hairball attorneys Victoria Toensing and Joe diGenova, and Giuliani's personal attorney and friend John Sale. Only after clearing it with this motley crew did Dowd forward it to ... his wife Carole! And also Lev and Igor. Needless to say, ain't no privilege for communications Counselor Comic Sans put on blast.

Stop, hey, what's that sound? Everybody look what's burning down. (It is DC. And that little chucklefucker is holding the match.)

[Parnas-Harvey Messages / De Caluwe Screenshots / NBC / Parnas Photos / Maddow Transcript]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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