Donate

How many times do we have to cancel R. Kelly? It seems like every time we cancel his ass, he pops back up begging us to cancel his ass again. Last time we begged him to go away, we spent years having to explain that it is not okay to sleep with and piss on teenage girls. Also, the sex cult allegations are just too weird to process right now, but R. Kelly seems determined to make us think about horrible shit year after year.


This time, we have a BBC3 documentary about Kitti Jones, who once worked in radio as a DJ, accusing Kelly of coercing her into sex acts, starvation, and physical abuse, before discussing her escape from his “sex cult.” On top of that, a lawsuit has been filed by an unnamed victim, and apparently, the “Devil” is responsible for this entire thing, according to R. Kelly.

The “Devil” has been super busy running around for years and years, just lying on poor R. Kelly, who just wants you to know how innocent and Christian he is and that the media is making his life hell. Pretty much says this is “fake news” without using the words “fake news,” which leads us to believe he is lying his ass off. But no worries!! Mr. Kelly says this is all just some bullshit created by nefarious forces who want to undermine the career of a God Fearing Christian Man like himself. He has no clue why his shows are cancelled (dude, really?), and points to the fact that there is no criminal investigation. Why are we pressing him so hard, he wants to know? He says the ladies stay with him because they want to.

He also wants you to know that this hurts him most of all, and that he is being victimized by nosy people, but at least he still has music. He is simply heartbroken.

My focus has always been music and being in the music industry. At this time, my faith and my love for music are the only things that has not been affected. The devil is a liar. To whom much is given, from him much expected.

Maybe if you focused more on music and less on gathering up as many women as you can find to please you and call you Daddy, you wouldn't constantly be accused of sex crimes? This is just a question. Most people don't seem to find themselves in this situation year after year, no matter how busy the "Devil" is. We would really like to know why the "Devil" has been following Kelly around for decades making people accuse him of nefarious deeds.

Unfortunately for Mr. Kelly, the “Devil” is not accusing him of sexual abuse, actual women are accusing him of sexual abuse. And now that Time’s Up is on his ass letting him know that his time was up a long ass time ago, maybe this time he will go away. We doubt it, but it would be nice if he would stop getting away with allegedly abusing women, go collect his life, and shut the fuck up trying to blame the “Devil” for his problems.

[The Grio/Metro]

Wonkette is 100 percent ad free and funded ONLY by YOU. Fund us pls.

Wonderbitch

Wonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @biancadelarosa8 or email her at bianca@wonkette.com

$
Donate with CC
Photo by Wonkette Operative 'Teecha'

If it's Sunday, this must be Nice Things, our weekly escape from the quotidian awfulness. Our featured doggo this week comes via a photo by Wonkette reader "Teecha," and we don't think Teecha mentioned a name for this lovely old rescue dog. If it is a dog at all: I think it may actually be one of Sia's more inventive disguises, like that time she was a little pony.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc