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How many times do we have to cancel R. Kelly? It seems like every time we cancel his ass, he pops back up begging us to cancel his ass again. Last time we begged him to go away, we spent years having to explain that it is not okay to sleep with and piss on teenage girls. Also, the sex cult allegations are just too weird to process right now, but R. Kelly seems determined to make us think about horrible shit year after year.


This time, we have a BBC3 documentary about Kitti Jones, who once worked in radio as a DJ, accusing Kelly of coercing her into sex acts, starvation, and physical abuse, before discussing her escape from his “sex cult.” On top of that, a lawsuit has been filed by an unnamed victim, and apparently, the “Devil” is responsible for this entire thing, according to R. Kelly.

The “Devil” has been super busy running around for years and years, just lying on poor R. Kelly, who just wants you to know how innocent and Christian he is and that the media is making his life hell. Pretty much says this is “fake news” without using the words “fake news,” which leads us to believe he is lying his ass off. But no worries!! Mr. Kelly says this is all just some bullshit created by nefarious forces who want to undermine the career of a God Fearing Christian Man like himself. He has no clue why his shows are cancelled (dude, really?), and points to the fact that there is no criminal investigation. Why are we pressing him so hard, he wants to know? He says the ladies stay with him because they want to.

He also wants you to know that this hurts him most of all, and that he is being victimized by nosy people, but at least he still has music. He is simply heartbroken.

My focus has always been music and being in the music industry. At this time, my faith and my love for music are the only things that has not been affected. The devil is a liar. To whom much is given, from him much expected.

Maybe if you focused more on music and less on gathering up as many women as you can find to please you and call you Daddy, you wouldn't constantly be accused of sex crimes? This is just a question. Most people don't seem to find themselves in this situation year after year, no matter how busy the "Devil" is. We would really like to know why the "Devil" has been following Kelly around for decades making people accuse him of nefarious deeds.

Unfortunately for Mr. Kelly, the “Devil” is not accusing him of sexual abuse, actual women are accusing him of sexual abuse. And now that Time’s Up is on his ass letting him know that his time was up a long ass time ago, maybe this time he will go away. We doubt it, but it would be nice if he would stop getting away with allegedly abusing women, go collect his life, and shut the fuck up trying to blame the “Devil” for his problems.

[The Grio/Metro]

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Wonderbitch

Follow Wonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @bravewriting or email her at bianca@wonkette.com

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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