The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Two Jews Walk Into Wasilla

"So Todd just comes beepin' up -- be-boppin' on up stairs, right? Um...interrupted me a little bit...and he says, 'Hey, Sarah, there's these two really nice guys from New Jersey, they're in the dri--.' C'mere, Todd!"

And then Todd shows up, and he is rockin' Transitions lenses and a black mock turtleneck. Todd says that he saw these two dudes out near the Palin's fence, and it seemed like they wanted to come in.

"Tourists, knockin' on the door! But at least they have the guts to do it!" Sarah replies, and then these two nice Jewish boys from New Jersey show up, and they have a really weird conversation with Sarah. Do they talk about how they think more young people are soon going to vote Republican? They sure do! Here's the whole video, but we've pulled the ooey-gooiest quotes for you below, because we love you.

Things People in Alaska Don't Want to Do (1:23, 1:37)

Sarah: "Nobody in Alaska wants to have a fence... Nobody in Alaska wants to close the gate..."

Not what that word means (2:35)

Guest 1: I have two special needs siblings, they're both hearing impaired, with cochlear implants.

Sarah: Oh my goodness! Good deal, though! That's miraculous, isn't it? So how are they doin'?

Guest 1: They're doing amazing. They got the cochlear implants when they were younger, around five, six. My sister's 25 and now my brother's 23, they can hear perfectly...

Sarah: Really? See, that is a miracle.

I'm Just So Nervous Right Now (3:50)

Sarah: And Netanyahu, mmmm! I like 'eem, I like 'eem, I do, I do!

Guest 1: It's crazy what's goin' on there now.

Sarah: It's not right. Yeah, so...y'know, USA and Israel together, we can be...

Guest 2: More and more Jewish people are becoming Republicans because of what's going on.

Sarah: Yeah. I believe so too.

Guest 2: I mean, I have always voted Republican, since I was 18, which was not that long ago!

Sarah: I bet, yeah!

True Feelings (4:55)

Guest (off-camera): Can I sit in this seat for a sec?

Sarah: Oh, absolutely! Pretend like you're on the air... well...Todd was just in one of those moods...

So there you have it: the First Dude let in two sorta socially awkward and completely starstruck visitors, because they showed up, and the Sarah Palin Channel filmed the whole thing and then put it up online. It was as weird as it sounds.

Thank you as always to Wonkette commenter Fartknocker, without whose generous support, we would not be subjecting ourselves to this.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.

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