The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: We Showed Sarah Palin's Bra, We Guess?
A man gave us money to watch The Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker.
In a recent Ask Me Anything, Sarah Palin started with a relatively simple question: "If (or when) you run for President, will you be calling for term limits?" The next FOUR WHOLE MINUTES are devoted to the former Alaska governor attempting to pick her way through a political minefield, because apparently Palin does everything in one take, love it or leave it.
I agree with a lot of other independent Alaskans, generally not supporting term limits [...] Our Founding Fathers had envisioned citizen legislators, right? That they would limit themselves to a certain number of years and then leave politics, especially at the federal level, they'd get on with life.
But here in Alaska, we're a little bit different. We've only had three people in our entire congressional delegation, we've had our two senators and our one congressman, in all these years that we've been a state, fifty some years, and that's it. And we're a very small state. Some people say that we would be overlooked if it weren't for some chairmanships that our congressional delegation has acquired.
Some people say that. I... mmmm, a lot of those seniority rules, though, cause more problems than they solve. And a lot of politicians just crave those chairmanships and do whatever they can to get them. And a lot of those politicians look at politics, serving us, as a business. They're there for a season, not a reason. [...]
AND SHE KEEPS TALKING FOR ANOTHER TWO WHOLE MINUTES. "Why won't a totally selfless New Man emerge to save us from the bloody history of politics?" asks freshman poli sci major Sarah Palin, not aware that she's riding a contact high. "Why do the people defy the wishes of the Founding Fathers, except those wishes that would clearly diminish Alaska's political power?"
Governors have term limits. The President has term limits. Isn't it something that Congress doesn't have term limits? Hmm, that they exempted themselves from term limits, laws in some respects... But that shouldn't surprise us, they exempt themselves from a lot of things they would hoist on the rest of us.
Perfect. We may have reached Peak Palin. (Too late! said the Wonketariat. Ha ha, shut up.)
In this rambling nonsense, we gain a glimpse into Palin's early political rise. Her opponent in both of her mayoral races was John Stein, who told the New York Times that term limits was once one of Palin's favorite issues.
“Sarah comes in with all this ideological stuff, and I was like, ‘Whoa,’ ” said Mr. Stein, who lost the election. “But that got her elected: abortion, gun rights, term limits and the religious born-again thing. I’m not a churchgoing guy, and that was another issue: ‘We will have our first Christian mayor.’ ”
After unseating Stein, Palin herself was term-limited out of the Wasilla mayor's office in 2002, which she talks about in the video. Here Yr Wonket touches a finger to his chin and says "Hmmm," the way Palin does when she thinks she's really gettin' one over on the libs. "Isn't that funny how that works out?" we ask, a world-devouring smugness radiating from our glinting eyes and our smarming mouth.
Four whole minutes of this stuff, guys. Four minutes of our lives we will never get back.
Before we go, a quick update on Palin's long grift. Like Secretariat down the stretch, Governor Quitterface found an extra gear in her year-end push for book revenues. SO MANY of her posts in the final week of 2014 centered on her book-shaped substance, Good Tidings and Great Joy, but we are not going to subject you to those posts.
We are sparing you those posts in part because they are boring, and in part because the last time Yr Wonket wrote about Palin's book, the New York Daily News's Adam Edelman linked to our video in a post he cleverly titled "Ho, ho ho! Sarah Palin Wishes Fans Holiday Cheer As Sweater Falls Down." Here's some of Mr. Edelman's piece for the NYDN.
Sarah Palin has gone rogue again - this time, giving her fans a fleshy surprise as a holiday gift. [...]
In the episode, Palin demonstrates how to make her favorite iteration of blueberry pie, but as she delicately kneads the dough, her sweater falls down to her arms, revealing a whole lot of sun-kissed Alaskan skin and a sexy black undergarment.
So that's the tone of the piece, which you shouldn't read, because it's only, like, three more sentences than what we blockquoted at you. A+ journamalism, NYDN, [wolf whistle, wolf whistle].
Still, that video has more than 700,000 views as of this writing, which is so, so many more views than any other Palin video Yr Wonket has ever published. Perhaps, progressive Wonkette scum — perhaps the long grift is going quite well after all.
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.
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