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In the last seven days, the Sarah Palin Channel has published exactly nine minutes and twenty-eight seconds of content. Three minutes of that total is "Behind the Scenes" reels, one of which centers on Sarah going to a barn in North Carolina last year (it was Billy Graham's barn, and it was a very boring visit). That means Palin's team produced about six minutes of content in the last week, so yes, this is probably the laziest political grift we've ever covered in our short time as Yr Wonket. But by the same token, it is also the most ruthlessly efficient.


Today, we're going to focus on Palin's angry grandmother routine regarding Our Broken Borders, and thence, everything. We say everything because we believe that Palin's concern over Our Broken Borders is actually just a psychological manifestation of her fears of the diseased and unwashed Other. Listen to Palin's wide-ranging musings on immigration and tell us we are wrong, Wonketeers.

Immigration. According to a new Center for Immigration Studies report, 41 million immigrants, legal and illegal combined, now live in the United States, that's a big chunk of the population.

FYI, Palin is referring to a new paper published by the virulent nativists at the Center for Immigration Studies, which is still headed by Mark Krikorian, who remains a total dick. The CIS paper is based on the Census Bureau's 2013 American Community Survey, but CIS has added in fun facts like how many of these so-called "immigrants" are actually terrorists on account of how they come from "Predominantly Muslim Countries." Anyway, please, Governor Quitterface, do go on.

We all agree that America was built by immigrants, and hard-working legal immigrants, they're some of our most valued and valuable citizens. We also know, though, that we've had years of stagnant wages, and tens of millions of Americans face unemployment and underemployment. Millions are so discouraged that really they've just given up looking for work. Y'know what that does to a culture -- much less an economy?

Here's where we see Palin's efficiency on display. There is no superfluous movement as she pivots from "OMG SO MANY IMMIGRANTS" to "years of stagnant wages," to our decadent and declining culture. There's no attempt to explain how these numbers connect with each other, and certainly no attempt to provide a plausible explanation for how low-wage immigrants have driven down the incomes and work ethics of middle-wage workers with whom they don't compete. Yet somehow, all these economic dominoes have lined up to crush the American worker's last iota of moral fortitude. How? It's simple commonsense, and you'd know that if you weren't a Dumbocrat liberal.

Would you believe that Palin thinks Our Broken Borders present a tempting target to "radical jihadists?" It's true, and who knows, maybe they're gonna use Ebola as a weapon!

And open borders make no sense in a world where deadly diseases now, and terrorists can breach borders and cause immense harm. It's time -- no it's past time for the President to secure our borders.

This is Palin's American dream -- a place where anything is possible, including the weaponization of Ebola.  In Sarah Palin's American dream, the possibilities are limitless so long as you were born here and don't have a funny last name. And as regards the tired, poor, huddled masses, Sarah's not opposed to their yearning, necessarily -- she just wants to make sure all that breathing won't spread disease or convert anyone to Islam.

Here's the full video, in case you want to hate watch.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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