The Snake Oil Bulletin: Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Dumb
Yar har har, ye scurvy dogs, and welcome back to Ye Olde Snake Oile Bulletine. On today's agenda, we have a whole slew of grog-snarfing scoundrels and treacherous blackguards ready to walk the plank of Science and Good Taste. Let's start out today's report by reminding you that B.o.B. is an even worse excuse for a human being than just a barnacle bottomed bilgerat.
In case you forgot, B.o.B. doesn't believe the Holocaust happened either
[contextly_sidebar id="xhJHfasIHzoCEL89ndA78hYgrQGdnler"]If you have been on the internet hate machine sometime in the last week, you've heard about some rap-type person named B.o.B. picking a fight with professional human dynamo Neil DeGrasse Tyson, claiming that the earth was flat because B.o.B. is six. Click the clicky to see Tyson annihilate B.o.B. as the tiny baby man he is and literally drop the mic.
But did you know that B.o.B. is not just a spherical dolt, but a colossal asshole too? How much of an asshole? How about a Jew-hating Holocaust-denying asshole?
As part of his "feud" with Tyson, B.o.B. released a diss track attacking Tyson for not having any chill and assorted non-sults. But Salon writer Ben Norton delved deeper into the track and discovered that beyond his disses against Tyson and insistence that the earth is flat, B.o.B. promoted known Holocaust denier David Irving:
“Before you try to curve it, do your research on David Irving,” he rapped in “Flatline.”
“Stalin was way worse than Hitler,” he added. “That’s why the POTUS gotta wear a Kippa.”
For those of you who Jew professionally know, a kippa is another word for a yarmulke. What B.o.B. is arguing is that Barack Obama isn't a Christian or a Muslim but a certified circumcised Jew.
Here, B.o.B. is echoing Nazi myths, spreading anti-Semitic conspiracy theories and encouraging listeners to read the work of David Irving, a Holocaust denier and Hitler apologist.
Irving is a pseudo-historian who has written books that argue the Holocaust is a myth and characterize Hitler as a victim of World War II. A British High Court judge ruled in 2000 that Irving “is anti-Semitic and racist and that he associates with right-wing extremists who promote neo-Nazism.” In 2006, Irving, who called the Nazi gas chambers a “fairy tale,” was imprisoned in Austria for writing propaganda that advocated Holocaust denial (Holocaust denial is a crime in some European countries).
Take a lookie through Norton's entire article, because he lays out in blistering detail just how ingrained anti-Semitism is in Irving's work and worldview. If you think Norton is being hyper sensitive to B.o.B.'s promotion of a Holocaust-denying psychopath, what the hell is wrong with you? But if you need further proof, read the statement from the Anti-Defamation League. The ADL called out B.o.B. for naming David Irving, who has gone on record accusing Hollywood of being owned by Holocaust-promoting Hebrews. Suffice it to say, the fine folks at the ADL are not fans. The CEO of the group, Jonathan A. Greenblatt, even released his own personal statement on the matter.
While it is unclear whether these lyrics are meant to be taken seriously, it is nonetheless troubling that B.o.B seems to have given new life to the anti-Semitic conspiracy theory of Jewish control of the U.S. government while handing a free publicity gift to the notorious Holocaust denier, David Irving. His lyrics are irresponsible and could potentially promote anti-Semitic beliefs, especially in those people who might already be infected by such notions.
It appears as if this song has been recently removed from the Internet. If so, that is a positive first step to acknowledging a mistake here, but it is not nearly enough. We hope that B.o.B will find a way to communicate clearly to his fans that Holocaust denial is unacceptable and that he will apologize for invoking the age-old conspiracy theory about Jewish control of the government.
What makes the general media silence about B.o.B.'s conspiracy beliefs even stranger is that this isn't a new thing. He's been admitting he believes these awful things for some time. As Norton notes, B.o.B.'s discography is full of references to Alex Jones conspiracy of "globalists" taking over the planet and poisoning its citizens, and Jones has been criticized for years as using "globalist" as just a convenient snarl word for Jew. B.o.B. is not subtle that he believes this.
It's super ha-ha funny to make fun of B.o.B. for claiming the Earth is flat. And we mean it's super ha-ha funny and we will never stop doing it as long as he continues to cling to relevance. But let's not forget that B.o.B. is a general monster who is using his newfound publicity to tout conspiracy theories claiming the gas chambers weren't real and that 13 Jewish bloodlines control the entire monetary supply of the world banks. Or maybe we could just end this section by remarking that is sure is convenient of B.o.B. to suddenly pick a Twit fight and drum up gobs of press about himself:
Hipster parents produce new pirate baby, complete with scurvy!
One of the coolest aspects of our modern go-go world is that so much of it is vintage and upcycled from a bygone era. Entire websites like Etsy are devoted to the love of
Chinese resellers hocking knock-off octopus necklaces upcycled treasures from ages past. One pair of parents were so devoted to the past that they decided to give their new baby boy only the best in retro chic, so they let him develop a disease so vintage it hasn't been seen since the swashbuckling age: scurvy!
According to the journal Pediatrics, two parents in Valencia, Spain, decided that the best way to care for their little corsair would be to feed it a diet of exclusively almond milk. What could go wrong? Everything, apparently.
According to Pediatrics, the parents originally gave the baby a milk-based formula, but switched to almond milk on doctor's orders when the baby developed rashes. The problem came when, instead of introducing the kid to solid foods around 6 months, the parents decided it was too much effort and just kept giving him nothing but almond milk. Most of you parents and humans who have been near a baby can see the flaw in this plan.
At 8 months the child became irritable and couldn't support himself when he sat up. Eventually the kid couldn't stand up and cried whenever people touched his legs. When doctors examined him at 11 months, they discovered that his femurs had been fractured and no one had done anything.
The study authors emphasize that almond milk itself is not at fault: they note that all milk lacks the necessary vitamin C for proper growth. Rather, the problem is that the parents gave the baby nothing but almond milk instead of supplementing his diet with fruits, formula, or breast milk.
While obviously the blame lies with the parents and doctors who never thought there'd be a problem not feeding a baby actual food, we can't help but wonder how serial almond-milk hate Mother Jones will react to this news. We can only imagine it's every bit as calm and reasoned as their last treatise on the matter: "Lay Off the Almond Milk You Ignorant Hipsters."
Deepak Chopra believes bacteria have ESP
[contextly_sidebar id="hdICycIRT8Qz6ic5LqHjqYRwse5Rnvlo"]Our last story of the day stars an old friend of yours and mine: Deepak Chopra! It seems Oprah's favorite AIDS-denying, evolution-disbelieving Looney Toon is back. What's on today's serving of quackery, Deepak? Hoo boy: "Deepak Chopra Says Bacteria Listen To Our Thoughts." What unholy nightmare of quantum consciousness is this shit?
Today's story is brought to us by the wonderful Kavin Senapathy. If you don't already read Senapathy, you can't sit with us at the cool kids' table. Correct that! Senapathy reports this latest idiocy occurred at a meeting of the finest minds in bullshit at a little shindig quite bluntly called "Fat Summit." When we heard the name we were hoping it was an All-Star Hip-Hop style mountain climbing excursion called Phat Summat, but our hopes were dashed. What we had instead was a phone conference of woo peddlers, charlatans, and quacks. The phone call was hosted by Mark Hyman, a man made famous for his close connection to the Clinton family and whom we've been planning to profile for some time now. Included on the roster was our old friend Vani Hari, the Fewd Bewb, of the Girl Scout cookies will murder you Bewbs.
Chopra was the featured speaker, and Hyman introduced him with a humblebrag so humble it almost made us gag on all the humble pie:
“I feel like a slacker, I only have nine New York Times bestsellers,” Hyman laughed as he introduced Deepak Chopra, who has more than 20 bestsellers under his belt.
Fuck off, Mark.
We won't summarize Senapathy's entire article because you really should read it yourself, but the real money shot comes on page two when Chopra really gets down to the meat of his latest insanity. Chopra was in the course of a dizzying word salad of genomes and microbiomes and consciousness, because EVERYTHING is conscious to Deepak. Senapathy does an excellent job of breaking down just how meaningless Chopra's terminology is, and how little he understands the terms that he's using. Then came this exchange:
While discussing yoga during his interview with Chopra, Mark Hyman gushed, “I love yoga, and I do it, and I always feel transformed, and it’s amazing that not only your genes are listening to your thoughts, but your microbiome, the bacteria are listening to your thoughts.” Yoga can be a great form of exercise, but this is a bit of a stretch.
But Chopra agreed with Hyman: “Yeah, the bacterial genes are listening to your thoughts.”
This came after an earlier exchange in which Deepak described the likes and dislikes of the bacterial genome, which just so happened to coincide with Chopra's personal food preferences. FeignedSurprise.jpg.
It's almost old hat to keep harping on Deepak Chopra for being a science quack who throws a mystical accent on new age bullshit and calls it a day, but seriously, fuck Deepak Chopra.
Flotsam, Jetsam, and Hokum
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