The Top Five Times Rudy Giuliani Was A Batshit Lunatic Since ... Oh, Since Last Night


Did we not just tell Rudy Giuliani to STOP TALKING, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD? We did.

And did he take our advice?

Right. By now, we all know the drill. No more foreplay, it's time for your Top 5 Times Rudy Was Batguano Insane Since Yesterday.

1. Own the Libs by Confessing to Crimes!

Well, this is a new one.

Remember that time Rudy went on Sean Hannity's Rants With Friends program and confessed that Trump had paid Michael Cohen back for the Stormy Daniels settlement? See, he was just "getting out ahead of it," by admitting something his client had repeatedly denied.

If we had a nickel for every time we saw a lawyer confess to campaign finance violations and filing false financial statements on their client's behalf, boy ... WE'D HAVE ZERO NICKELS. We have literally no idea what he means by "take the hit," but we're starting to think it's long past time for him to puff, puff pass already.

2. Rudy Thinks He's Cornered Robert Mueller? LOL, Sure You Did!

WaPo wrote a very serious article about Rudy Giuliani's negotiation with Robert Mueller where the two agreed that the Special Counsel could not possibly prosecute the president because LAW and JUSTICE DEPARTMENT POLICY.

But Robert Costa tweeted out a partial transcript of the meeting, and it's kind of ... not so serious.

Oh, so Robert Mueller was playing coy. But his eyes said, "YES, YES, YES, I will not be bringing charges against your client." And then "one of his top people" called back and said it. What's the guy's name? Gosh, Rudy's going to have to get back to you on that one!

3. CNN Gets Its Hannity On!

On the level, Wonkers, CNN printed the Trump team's new legal theory last night, and this shit is so stupid it just broke our brain. Okay, here goes --

  1. It is illegal to indict a sitting president. (Maybe).
  2. Prosecutors can only subpoena testimony for a crime that can be charged. (No.)
  3. So it is illegal for Robert Mueller to subpoena Trump to testify. (Please shut up now!)
  4. Also, too, testimony can only be subpoenaed if there is no other way to get the information, and the Trump team already submitted DOCUMENTS. (FML!)

Hey, remember that time when Independent Counsel Ken Starr subpoenaed President Clinton? And wrote that memo insisting that a sitting president could be indicted? Karma's a bitch, dude!

Oh, but wait!

Well, if noted legal scholar Sean Hannity says it, it must be true!

4. And speaking of Rupert Murdoch's Intellectual Whorehouse ...

Rudy was bringing the crazy on Laura Ingraham last night.

Yes, it is totally fine and normal to solicit opposition research from a foreign power. Nothing illegal here. Well, besides violations of the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act of 2002's prohibition on receiving anything of value from a foreign person or government. But, please, admit to some more crimes on teevee, Mr. Guiliani!


5. Rudy's Gonna Rip Up Robert Mueller! Yeah, For Sure!

Rudy Giuliani, a guy who hasn't practiced law in 30 years because shilling for dictators is way more lucrative, is going to rip apart Bob Mueller, the former head of the FBI, if he doesn't like his findings.

Sounds legit!

We are told that there was even more crazy on Fox and Farblunget this morning, but we have reached our limit! Feel free to watch it your own self if you are outta your damn mind.

Bring It On Home For Us, Chris Cillizza!

And what if it isn't actually God talking to us through our fillings! WHOA IF TRUE.

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Please click here to buy us a bottle of Alleve -- we just watched Fox FOR YOU!

[Aaron Rupar Twitter]

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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