Ever stop to ask yourself, "Hey, self. How is White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany self-owning and fucking it all up this week?" You should, for your mental health, because no matter how bad you think you may have it, no matter how badly you fucked up dinner last night because the to top of the peppercorn grinder was loose and you spilled peppercorns all over the kitchen, Kayleigh McEnany fucked it up worse.

Let's look at Kayleigh McEnany's top 500 self-owns of the past 48 hours, at least the ones cameras were present for. She might have also stepped on rakes behind the scenes, where nobody could hear her say "DERP."


The One Where She Answered Her Own Question

McEnany has a complaint about how the press receives missives from President Truth Potion.

MCENANY: If it were any other president of the United States, the media would take him at his word.

Well, kind of, Madam Press Secretary, because journalists are by nature skeptical. But there could be something at play here —just spitballing! — related to the fact that Donald Trump lies 50 times before breakfast, and 100,000 more times every day after that, because he's the mouthiest fucking liar who ever lived. The Washington Post's Trump lie-tracker is up to over 18,000 Trump lies during his presidency. That's what he is. A liar.

We hope this helps.

They were talking about skepticism over whether Trump is really even taking the Hydroxymagicbonercream 3000 he touts as a miracle snake oil weight loss erectile dysfunction cure for COVID-19. And she, the press secretary who promised never to lie to the American people and then did it within the first 10 minutes of her first briefing, just didn't get it.

She never gets it. And she herself is a liar. Oh well.

The One Where She Explained That ACTUALLY She Is Lying For Jesus

Lying for Jesus is such a popular thing with conservative Christians!

In an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network this week, David Brody asked McEnany about her detractors who point out things like "what a liar," and she had this response:

MCENANY: I know the person I am, and I know what I stand for and I stand as a Christian woman, someone who believes in equality, in truth, in loyalty and honesty.

Right. OK.

"I know who I'm ultimately working for, and it's the big guy upstairs," McEnany added, saying that she just wants, when she dies, for that Big Guy, her real boss, to say "well done, my good and faithful servant." Which totally might happen if God likes liars. Either way, we trust the Lord will treat Kayleigh McEnany the same way he treats Sarah Huckabee Sanders, whenever their times come.

Hey, does God say "well done, my good and faithful servant" to birthers?

We are just curious.

This One Is Not A Lie, In Fact, We Don't Know What The Fuck It Is.

More on Donald Trump taking Hydroxybonermagiccream 3000, and from that CBN interview with David Brody.

McEnany, while shilling for Trump's snake oil cure, explained to Brody that people have a "right to try" things like Trump snake oil if they are suffering with COVID-19, especially "in the waning days of their life, when they're facing a fatal illness." It's called a "right to try," you guys. Don't you want people to be able to try things, "in the waning days of their life"?

Which ... how does that relate to Donald Trump allegedly popping hydroxies like Skittles? Is he a "waning days of their life?"

Oh well, guess we'll just keep an eye out for reports of Mother Pence measuring for drapes in the White House residence. How else would we be able to tell if the president's life is in danger? It's not like we'd ever hear the truth from this White House.

In summary and in conclusion, Kayleigh McEnany steps on rakes a lot, and also lies a lot, and also she's an asshole.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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