Lies, Damn Lies, And The New York Times, AP, NPR Uncritically Repeating Trump's Birthright BULLSH*T

Post-Racial America

Dammit guys, have we not already been through this? WE HAVE. Just because Donald Trump makes mouth farts about Executive Ordering some blatantly unconstitutional nonsense, or shutting down the border to keep out the dirty Fredonians, or flapping his prodigious orange jowls and flying to the moon, doesn't mean you should report it like it's true. In point of fact, the president cannot end birthright citizenship with his signature alone, so quit saying that it's "controversial," or "untested," or "the subject of debate," or any other stupid weasel words.

IT'S JUST A LIE. And reporting it like it might be true is also a lie. Looking at you, CNN! Plus NBC, AP, NPR, NYT and pretty much everyone who isn't YOUR WONKETTE.

It's not unclear. Just take it from Kellyanne Conway's husband George, who was so disgusted that he took to the pages of the Washington Post to tear his wife's boss a new one.

Sometimes the Constitution's text is plain as day and bars what politicians seek to do. That's the case with President Trump's proposal to end "birthright citizenship" through an executive order. Such a move would be unconstitutional and would certainly be challenged. And the challengers would undoubtedly win.

Why are you telling your readers that the president can somehow Executive Order the 14th Amendment out of existence? That is not a thing!

You're killing us with this BS, NYT!

Even the GOP's sacred lamb Antonin Scalia would laugh this nonsense out of court, as Conway and perennial SCOTUS lawyer Neal Katyal scoffed. Yes, yes, we know ... but Gorsuch, but Kavanaugh. And still, NO, JUST NO. The Supreme Court will never rule that the president has the power to overrule the Constitution by fiat. It's ridiculous.

You know who's flogging this hogwash? Party hacks like former Giuliani speechwriter Michael Anton, who was inexplicably appointed as NSC advisor in the Trump administration. He's not a lawyer, but he did write a book called The Suit: A Machiavellian Approach to Men's Style, so you know you can trust him. Or not.

Let's go with not. Take it from IRL lawyers Conway and Katyal, who remind us that the president can't cancel birthright citizenship because the power to regulate immigration lies with Congress.

Beyond this, the president's proposal suffers from another infirmity — it exceeds the scope of his authority. Our Constitution could not be clearer that it is Congress, not the president, who is in the driver's seat when it comes to immigration. Congress has specific powers over immigration in Article I; the president, none whatsoever, except as Congress has given to him by statute. And Congress has already spoken. In 1952, Congress declared, "The following shall be nationals and citizens of the United States at birth . . . a person born in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof."

Shut up, NBC! The 14th Amendment says,

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.

The fact that the nativist nutbags have scribbled pages of wild speculation in their manifesto journals that "subject to the jurisdiction thereof" somehow excludes undocumented immigrants doesn't make it true. Besides which, we already know who the people not subject to jurisdiction are, because the Supreme Court laid it out for us in 1898.

In the light of the law as previously established, and of the history of the times, it can hardly be doubted that the words of that act, "not subject to any foreign power," were not intended to exclude any children born in this country from the citizenship which would theretofore have been their birthright, or, for instance, for the first time in our history, to deny the right of citizenship to native-born children of foreign white parents not in the diplomatic service of their own country nor in hostile occupation of part of our territory. But any possible doubt in this regard was removed when the negative words of the Civil Rights Act, "not subject to any foreign power," gave way, in the Fourteenth Amendment of the Constitution, to the affirmative words, "subject to the jurisdiction of the United States." United States v. Wong Kim Ark, 169 U.S. 649 (1898)

Unless both parents are foreign diplomats with consular immunity or soldiers of a hostile occupying force, any child born here is a citizen. This is NOT A FACT IN DISPUTE.

Goddammit, AP! It's not a dubious claim. It's a lie! You want a cookie because this time you didn't unquestioningly repeat Trump's bullshit about us being the only country that grants birthright citizenship? Slow clap, assholes.

Et tu, NPR?

Do better!

And now we are going to take our own advice and IGNORE THIS NONSENSE. Because every day Donald Trump is going to continue to take a crap on the table and insist that it's a bowl of chocolate ice cream. But we're not debating this anymore.

A pile of shit, is a pile of shit, IS A PILE OF SHIT.

[WaPo / US v. Wong Kim Ark / Atlantic]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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