They Wanted ALL YOUR RUSSIAN EMAILS, Jared Kushner, You Slimy Fuck


Jared, Jared, Jared, Jared, Jared! JARED! Mister "I Have To Update My Disclosure Forms Every Week Because I Keep Suddenly Remembering Money And Foreign Connections That Were Supposed To Be A Secret." Mister "What Private Email Server? Oh THAT Private Email Server?" Mister "I Never Met With One Million Russians! Oh You Mean THOSE One Million Russians?"

Kush has made a big show of being VERY COOPERATIVE with the various Trump-Russia investigations, turning over ALL his emails and his sexts and his Snapchats and Grindr messages (allegedly), but it turns out he's full of shit, and the Senate Judiciary Committee is through with him. (Yes, the same Senate Judiciary Committee whose Trump-Russia investigation has basically fallen apart because of partisan squabbling.) Jared Kushner's less-than-forthcoming behavior has apparently been so egregious that even GOP Senator Chuck Grassley, who would MUCH rather be fellating corn cobs right now, please and thank you, has fired off a letter with Democratic committee co-chair Dianne Feinstein, demanding Kushner share ALL THE REST of his Russian emails. You know, the ones he didn't share the first time, when he said he was sharing them all. When even Grassley thinks you're triflin', boy you are TRIFLIN'.

Some excerpts from the letter:

HOLD UP RIGHT THERE. We know what they're talking about with the "communications to Mr. Kushner concerning WikiLeaks," that he "then forwarded to another campaign official." That would be Donald Trump Jr. and his love notes with Julian Assange. When Junior followed Assange's orders and reached out to the rest of the campaign, he sent it to Jared Kushner, who then forwarded it to Hope Hicks.

But what in the hockey sticks is this "Russian backdoor overture and dinner invite"? Did the Russians overture Jared Kushner's back door? At least they wanted to buy him dinner first! OR PERHAPS is it related to when Kushner met with former Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak about setting up a back channel for secret communications with Russia during the transition? It could be that! (Funny news about Kislyak, by the way. He said on Russian TV that it would take him 20 MINUTES to list all the Trump people he ever met with, because it was that much of a fucking clown car.)

And communications with Sergei Millian? Wasn't he one of the sources for the DODGY DOSSIER? Yes, he was! So that's weird!

Regardless, we are now learning that "others" have provided all these communications that Grassley and Feinstein have obviously seen, but "Jared" didn't. Wonder if "others" are trying to telegraph that "Jared" is guilty as fuck and probably should go to jail? Whoa if true!

Grassley and Feinstein would also like the following information from Kushner's personal files related to Michael Flynn:

That is a pretty good list of things that might relate to Michael Flynn and also might refer to Jared Kushner! You've got all the Russian sanctions stuff, the Flynn foreign agent stuff, the hacking stuff, ALL THE STATE-OWNED RUSSIAN BANKS (remember, that was one of Kushner's weird Russian meetings he initially failed to disclose), and then that other back-channel thing, about Blackwater sadist Erik Prince with his secret meeting in the Seychelles about setting up a back-channel with Russia.

It's very interesting that Grassley and Feinstein fired this letter off in such a public way, isn't it? Oh well, guess Jared better get to producing all the shit he forgot to share the first time, assuming he hasn't bleached his emails like a common Hillary.

News came out in the past 24 hours that Robert Mueller is subpoenaing the Trump campaign for all its documents, which is interesting because up to now, we've been hearing just how nicely everybody has been co-operating with Mueller's investigation. We imagine there are myriad reasons for Mueller's subpoena, but we are going to guess one of them is JARED.

Considering Mueller's past behavior when it comes to Trump people being less than forthcoming in producing their documents, Wonkette suggests Jared 'n' Ivanka go ahead and start planning their early morning breakfast menus to provide enough food for them, their kids, their servants AND A HUNDRED FBI AGENTS.

Wouldn't want Mueller's boys to be hungry when it's time for "KNOCK KNOCK, MOTHERFUCKER" at Casa Javanka.

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[Judiciary Committee letter]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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