Things You Didn't Know You Needed To Worry About: Getting Raped By Demons
You may have been under the impression that when Christianists think about rape, they mostly think about how women are either asking for it by not screaming quite loudly enough or dressing like the sluts that everyone knows they are, or lying about it so they can murder a babby, or maybe using it as the first metaphor that comes to mind for everything that happens, ever. But you would be incorrect! It turns out that at least some members of the wingnut beliefosphere are actually concerned about real, genuine rapey-rape of the sort that happens when a demon from hell literally forces itself sexually upon a human being. This is a topic that Susan Brownmiller never addressed, which just goes to show how out of touch the radical feminists are. This rather breathless piece in "CharismaMagazine" warns, "As bizarre as it sounds, those who minister to people in occult bondage say it's more common than you think." So apparently the reason this demon-rape epidemic has gone underreported is that no one was asking the experts.
What's sort of fascinating about the article is how seamlessly it adopts the rhetorical tropes of the trauma and recovery genre:
For nearly two decades, Contessa Adams felt as though she had no power against the demonic violators of her body. She felt trapped in secrecy and shame and knew that the demons tormenting her wanted things to stay that way.
But God had another agenda for Adams when she found Christ in 1979. The former stripper has a ministry through which she exposes one of Satan's darkest secrets -- sexual demons.
Replace the stuff about demons and Jebus with secular counterparts, and you've got a couple of paragraphs that would be at home in any magazine of the last 30 years -- just change "ministry" to "support group."
Of course, this topic does involve some special challenges, such as the trivial detail that incorporeal sexual predators do not actually exist, so the writer kind of has to take normal human sexuality and turn it into something horrific. Fortunately for the author, that is pretty much a wingnut's default setting when it comes to normal human sexuality:
These spiritual rapists, as Adams describes them in her book, Consequences, often prey on people by performing sexual acts through nightmares and erotic dreams. Some people become so dependent upon these demonic experiences that they actually look forward to them.
"Anybody that has been attacked by them will tell you ... they're worried [that] they could not find that pleasure with mortal people," says Adams, who claims she was once possessed by sexual demons.
We are told, in complete seriousness, that the main types of "identifiable sexual demons" are the incubus (male) and the succubus (female), and that while these absolutely real monsters primarily plague opposite-sex human victims, some "also lure people into homosexual behavior." Indeed, even Contessa Adams admits that "the succubus spirit that used to attack her confused her so much that she contemplated becoming a lesbian."
Happily, you can probably save yourself from these awful sex demons through a combination of tidying up and -- whee! -- submission:
Adams believes the most valuable tool against these sexual demons is based on Matthew 12:44, which speaks of when a demon is cast out and then looks to return, but finds the house is clean, swept and in order. People must have their houses in order so that a demon can no longer gain entrance, Adams says. It is a part of the reprogramming process that takes place when an individual submits his or her life to God.
"The Holy Spirit has to reprogram you. If you're not programmed for obedience, it's hard to do so," she teaches. "Once you come out of that world, you're learning what you can do and what you cannot do. With the Holy Spirit, if [you] go to touch that fire, He will quicken you and tell you, 'No.'"
You suppose maybe this might help explain why these idiots have such medieval ideas about sex and say such insane things about rape to start with? Nahhh, that's crazy talk, we know.
Sadly, the article does not identify any other figures from medieval folklore that we should be worried about, so should you be attacked by a Tarasque, you're on your own. You might try bathing it in holy water and showing it the cross. If that doesn't work, try activating your Pikachu (assuming you have enough Electric energy cards). Tarasque is especially vulnerable to Thunderbolt, whch can cause 30 to 70 damage.
For once, we recommend reading the comments on the original article, because many readers are quite skeptical about the subject matter. Of course, the reason they are skeptical is that sex demons aren't actually mentioned in the Official Rulebook, so really, this is mostly a dust-up about whether this particular bit of fanfic conforms to canon.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.