This GoFundMe Sh*t Is Really Getting Out Of Hand
Americans love a good grift. This is why we have Sarah Palin, televangelists, and bigot bucks for gay-hating pizza. But while we've all had a good vomit-laugh at the rubes tithing to sad White Knight Deli owners, this shit has now officially gotten the fuck out of hand:
The sister of the Charleston church shooter, Dylann Roof, is asking the public for donations--but not for her brother.
Amber Roof is asking for $5,000 on a Go Fund Me page to pay for her and her fiance's wedding, which was originally scheduled for June 21.
They canceled the wedding after her brother was accused of the shooting at Emanuel AME church just three days earlier.
Amber Roof is super sorry her brother executed all those black people for the crime of being black while in church, but is that any reason she should have to eat the cost of her canceled wedding? GoFundMe, take her away!
Our wedding day was suppose to be the most important and special day of our lives. It was suppose to start our lives together with our new family. Our day was the exact opposite. Our wedding day was full of sorrow, pain, and shame, tainted by the actions of one man.
The Charleston Massacre took place and our lives were forever changed. The media abused our privacy and published all of our wedding information and destroyed our dream day. Destroying the first day of Michael and my life together.
It's a saying as old as the hills: nobody ever went broke blaming the media when they had to cancel their wedding because their brother murdered a church full of church-folk of color.
We cancelled our wedding to protect our family and mourn the lives of those lost. Many friends and family members came into town and took time off of work to be there for us. We could not ask you to do that again.
We would like the chance to start our lives on a postive note. Therefore, we have decided to start a Go Fund Me account. We know money cannot replace the wedding we lost and our perfect day, however it will help us to create new memories and a new start with our new family.
Money raised will be used to cover lost wedding costs, to pay bills, and to send us on our dream honeymoon. 10% of all funds raised will be donated to Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church. We thank you for any contrabution you can make.
Guys, Amber Roof has had just a terrible month, what with having to cancel her dream day due to some little old race murders, but you know what would make it just a little bit better? A dream honeymoon! Won't you help poor Amber get the dream honeymoon of her dreams? Won't you help her mourn her lost Perfect Day?
In the meantime, Amber, here are some tips for how to wedding-on-the-cheap. It involves your mom cooking up Emeril's elk stew, and your brother not murdering hardly anyone at all. Best of luck, you crazy kids!
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.