Donate

Does everybody remember who Emin Agalarov is? He is the boyish Russian song warbler who is the son of Aras Agalarov, AKA "Putin's Builder," the oligarch who threw the Moscow Miss Universe 2013 pageant with Donald Trump, where the afterparty featured a buncha Russian ladies taking whizzes on the bed in the Moscow Ritz Carlton while Trump playfully thumped his little boner, ALLEGEDLY. He was also integral in setting up the infamous June 2016 Trump Tower Russian treason meeting with Donald Trump Jr., the one where a Russian lawyer lady tried to deliver dirt on Hillary Clinton, while Junior sat there playfully thumping his little boner, ALLEGEDLY. Anyway, Google "Agalarov" on this here Wonkette dot com if you need more background.

The point is that Emin Agalarov, who just goes by "Emin" because he is a big international superstar like Tiffany, has a new music video, and it is all about Donald Trump and his pee tape. It is not a very good video!


Let's take a look:

Did you watch it? We sure hope you didn't, because AIYEEEEEEEEE OUR EARS!

The first thing we notice is that Emin sucks.

The second thing we notice is that he appears to be about 25 years too old to be doing this SEXXXXY BOY POP thing. Also he's kinda husky.

The third thing we notice is that the guy in the video playing Donald Trump isn't believable, because he is way too skinny (you know, because the real Trump is CHUNK). Also dude's toupee looks more realistic than whatever lives on Trump's head:

The whole thing is shot in a hotel, because we guess Trump is on his way to get peed on. We don't know if Emin is trying to troll America with this, but if he is, it's not working, because nobody knows or cares about manufactured Russian pop stars over here in the real world :(

(Pussy Riot's cool, though.)

Anyway, we guess this is Jared and Ivanka:

Much of the video is viewed through surveillance tapes, because GET IT? Russia has kompromat on Trump! It's funny because ... oh wait, it's not a joke.

Anyway, now they are in a hotel room and fake Trump is gonna twiddle around with his little Vienna sausage soon:

The girls are on the bed, Emin is on the little ottoman thingie, and fake Trump is on his knees because it appears he is about to give Emin the whole mouth-on-penis treatment. (Is that the real dirt Putin has on Trump?)

And now the ladies are going to pee on Emin, we guess, and oh my god how are there still two minutes left in this piece of shit? We honestly cannot remember why we agreed to write this post.

From there, the video kinda veers from its truly artistic narrative, and there is fake Stormy Daniels and fake Hillary Clinton, oh look, here is fake Hillary Clinton being snuggly with fake Ivanka for some reason:

Oh wait, fake Hillary actually looks a good bit like real Hillary. Good casting, Emin!

OH HAHA, HERE IS THE PART WHERE FAKE MARK ZUCKERBERG IS DRINKING WITH FAKE TRUMP, because of how Facebook was basically an accomplice to the stolen American election, HAHAHAHA LMAO:

Skipping to the end because we're bored. Dude is like an ugly version of Thicke, his music is like a lazy imitation of contrived American pop music, and oh yeah, fuck anything that comes out of the great Russian shithole. It ends with Kim Jong-un laughing, probably because even the Russians are stunned by how easily the North Korean dictator was able to play our stupid president:

Cool video, bro. We can see why your career has soared to such great heights.

We'd say maybe Robert Mueller should enter this video into evidence, but we wouldn't want Mueller to have to sit through this shit.

Maybe just watch it with the sound off?

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Hi. Wonkette salaries and all the other costs are 100% paid by you. Please help.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

One of the most common things to say in America, just behind "Happy Birthday" and "NO COLLUSION," is "Mitch McConnell should go fuck himself." It works for all occasions, whether you have just stubbed your toe or whether you are in the middle of your wedding to your sweetheart. Try it!

But why should Mitch McConnell go fuck himself at this particular moment? Let's look at the top three current reasons!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Sucks to be you, Pat Shanahan! The acting Defense secretary is currently under investigation for preferential treatment of his former bosses at Boeing, who just got busted letting planes fall out of the sky if buyers skimped on the upgrades. Shanahan was never a favorite of Trump's, and now his chances of getting made Big Boy For Real Sec Def are decreasing by the day. Which means that he's going through all this shit for nothing! Womp womp!

What shit, you ask? Well! Last night Shanahan announced the first tranche of the "found" money the DoD is shifting over to fund WALL in defiance of Congress's constitutional spending powers. The Defense Department will be transferring the cash from accounts meant to support military personnel into "anti-drug funding," which they've decided means they can use it to build "18-foot-high pedestrian fencing, constructing and improving roads, and installing lighting within the Yuma and El Paso Sectors of the border." Already pissed off about the fake EMERGY declaration, although not pissed enough to override a veto, congresspeople on both sides of the aisle are hopping mad that the Trump administration dicked them around for months, shut down the government, forced them to negotiate for wall funding in good faith, and then said HA HA SUCKERS, WE'RE JUST GOING TO STEAL IT FROM THE RAINY DAY FUND ANYWAY!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc