This Is What Fox News Is Telling Your Nana About Coronavirus
We don't think panic is the answer to coronavirus. We like reading messages from smart infectious disease specialists, and we like washing our hands a lot. But there are people we know are higher risk, like the elderly, and people who already have underlying health conditions, and they are the ones who really need the rest of us to keep coronavirus out of their faces.
The Trump administration rejected guidance from the CDC that senior citizens not fly right now. Either they just don't care about the Olds, or they selfishly believe telling the Olds that might shatter whatever tenuous grasp they think they have on keeping the stock market from continuing to crash. Whatever it is, it certainly isn't that they have actual scientists doing actual science who are saying actually seniors will be OK.
What's weird is that they stand to fuck the old, bitter, white demographic that votes for them most consistently, by refusing to provide them with accurate information.
But anyway, MEANWHILE OVER THERE ON FOX NEWS!
More specifically, over there on Fox Business, here is Trish Regan, telling your Nana and your Uncle Gohmert what she thinks of coronavirus, and surprise, it is a Democrat Deep State hoax trying to do an illegal impeachment to Donald Trump, which is very unfair considering how it's a perfect virus and Trump released the transcript of it and everything.
This is absolute madness.
REGAN: We've reached a tipping point. The chorus of hate being leveled at the president is nearing a crescendo as Democrats blame him and only him for a virus that originated halfway around the world. This is yet another attempt to impeach the president. And sadly it seems they care very little for any of the destruction they are leaving in their wake. Losses in the stock market, all this, unfortunately, just part of the political casualties for them. You know, this is the time to be united. Not to be pointing fingers, not to be encouraging hate.
If you point out the obvious, which is that Trump being president significantly increases Americans' chances of getting sick and dying from coronavirus, you are "pointing fingers" and "encouraging hate."
And yet what do we see? We see the absolute opposite from the left tonight [...] The hate is boiling over. Many in the liberal media using, and I mean using, coronavirus in an attempt to demonize and destroy the president.
[Regan plays clip of known libs saying things on the TV about how Trump is a fucking idiot and Trump is fucking everything up and Joe Biden saying Trump should STFU]
This is impeachment all over again. And like with the Mueller Report, like with Ukraine-gate, they don't care who they hurt.
The Mueller Report, which found that Russia engaged in a "sweeping and systematic" attack on America, and that Trump and his campaign were all too happy to accept Russia's help; which did not establish that there was no collusion between the two; and which also found multiple obstruction of justice crimes committed by the president? Ukraine-Gate, where it's been proven that Trump extorted a foreign country and withheld congressionally appropriated military aid in service of extracting announcements of fake investigations into the Bidens, to help Trump steal the 2020 election?
Yeah, it's definitely our side that doesn't care who gets hurt. Yep.
Whether it be their need to create mass hysteria to encourage a market sell-off unlike anything we've seen recently or whether it be to create mass hysteria in order to stop our economy dead in its tracks, don't kid yourself. They told us how much they crave a recession as a way to get rid of Donald Trump.
Did they? No really, did they?
At least Trish Regan isn't full-on claiming the virus itself is a hoax. She just claims — on the Fox Business Network, no less, where the business experts are — that the market sell-off is a conspiracy committed by the Democrat Media, as if it's not happening to the entire world. And by framing it in this way, and by spending this segment not talking about science or anything else Fox News wingnuts think of as part of the liberal agenda, she's indeed downplaying the threats to her own viewers, who are old, angry, fearful white idiots, who probably watch her show during Applesauce Time AT THE ASSISTED LIVING.
But sure, it's no big deal. The Democrats are just using coronavirus to impeach poor defenseless Donald Trump, and there's no telling how vast the conspiracy is. Why, George Soros probably paid a bat in Wuhan Market to cough on a person and transmit the virus to a human for the very first time! God knows who's in on the conspiracy, but we sure are glad Italy is playing along so nicely by quarantining the entire country, to make it look more believable, obviously.
And the media — because obviously the media and the Democrats are the same thing, that is just a proven fact for these people, in the media — is gleefully hurting the entire world and its people and its precious financial markets, all in service of destroying Trump. Why, we are probably forcing Trump to lie and slur his words and obsessively sniff and sound like an abject moron every time he opens his mouth. Surely no single human being could be that stupid all by himself, were it not a Democrat Media conspiracy!
One of the MENSA boys from the Federalist just cannot believe it:
He's never seen anything like it.
Wonkette would like to go on record saying we don't want to see octogenarian Trump idiots dropping like flies at the assisted living, or Louie Gohmert getting half of Congress sick, all because they are just pretty sure all this so-called "coronavirus" is a Democrat impeachment hoax.
But if it starts happening and we're looking for somebody to blame, start with the Fox Business windsock in the video above.
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