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This Month's Bake Sale And Topless Car Wash Fundraiser: Help Wonket Buy Doktor Zoom!

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Help us buy Doktor Zoom what? A PONY? No. Just help us buy Doktor Zoom. If you, the Wonkers, buy Doktor Zoom for us, we promise to brush him and feed him and walk him every day.


Just think about all the things you could make Zoom do if you owned him your very own self. You could tell him to dance, and he would dance! You could yell at him for sammiches, and he would make you sammiches! We figure, on the real, a living wage (in Idaho, lucky us!) and bennies and healthcare nonsense come to a WALLOPING $60 thousand for the year. Do we have $60 thousand? OF COURSE NOT, DON'T BE RIDICULOSE. But it could be ever so much worse. Dok could live in a city with running water and electricity, instead of the wilds of Boise, where we are pretty sure he grows his own root vegetables out back of the privy.

And think of all the things Wonkette could make him do, if he did not have a stupid "job" but could just sit in the chatcave and braid our hair all day. We would make him administer the comments, and make us MSPaints of Things, and proofread StefanBC's constantly uncommaed screeds. We could cut our workday down from 12 hours six and a half days a week to a much more reasonable 10 hours six days a week. Don't you want us to do that, so we don't end up in the desert yelling prophesies at the turtles, like happened to your dear departed Ken Layne?

So here, Wonkers. Dig deep. Dig hard. Give till it hurts like shingles. (Shingles hurts really bad.) Or a kidney infection. Or whatever syphilis is currently eating Michelle Malkin's brain. JUST GIVE.

You asked for a recurring donation?

Thank you for being a friend.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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photo by Dominic Gwinn

There was a time, a few months ago, when everyone had written off Elizabeth Warren. Well, not me, because I am a fabulous genius, but lots of other people. The "very reasonable" talking heads on all the various news channels, the kind of people who used to say things like "Oh, we'd like universal health care too, but 'the people' will never go for it!" but who definitely did not actually want universal health care for any reason, and even the Trump campaign. Though, to be fair, the Trump campaign didn't think Trump had much of a chance of winning in 2016 either.

But now, as more and more people hear her speak, hear her plans, hear what she wants to do and how she wants to do it... Elizabeth Warren is rising up in the polls. She's a contender. In the most recent Quinnipiac poll, she was closing in on Sanders for second place nationally, and in California and Nevada polls, she's in second place.

And now, according to a report from Politico, the Trump campaign is now scrambling and panicking and... stalking her?

Keep reading... Show less
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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

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