Time For Fake Lawyerin' Friday, With Larry Klayman And Jerome Corsi!
Well, that was bloody depressing. John Roberts dancing on the grave of democracy was entirely enough real law for one week, so let's check in with Jerome Corsi for Fake Lawyerin' Friday. It's like the Renaissance Faire, if the turkey legs were allowed to file legal motions!
First let's start with the nonsense cases filed in IRL courts. Careful, though, this stuff is strong. Don't take too much at once, or you'll wind up like Maureen Dowd watching the room spin and blaming Kids These Days.
Jerome Corsi v. Robert Mueller and the DOJ and the FBI and the NSA and the CIA and, oh, hell throw in Jeff Bezos, The Washington Post and Post Reporter Manuel Roig-Franzia too, WHY NOT?
Why, yes, the lawyer is Larry Klayman. How ever did you guess? Corsi filed this suit back in December, but then Klayman thought up some more cray shit to add to it, and now they're arguing over the the admissibility of this Second Amended Complaint, which is a beaut.
Based on these misrepresentations by Defendant Mueller and his leftist and Democrat partisan prosecutorial and ethically and legally conflicted staff, Defendant Mueller has threatened to indict Plaintiff Corsi and effectively put him in federal prison for the rest of his life unless Plaintiff Corsi would provide the false sworn testimony under oath that they demanded, even after being informed that the testimony desired would be false.
This ain't your granny's ditchweed, kids. It is hydroponic and laced with the urine of a pregnant civet. But wait, there's more!
Remember when Buzzfeed said that Trump ordered Michael Cohen to lie to Congress? You'll never guess who the source for that story "was."
Consistent with the leaks concerning Plaintiff Corsi, it was recently revealed that a major leak concerning President Donald J. Trump was made by Defendant Mueller to BuzzFeed, namely that the president had ordered his private legal counsel Michael Cohen to lie to congressional committees over the Trump organization's business dealings with Russia. After calls for a U.S. Justice Department investigation of this leak in particular – notwithstanding that the undersigned counsel had already filed complaints on behalf of Plaintiff Corsi and others concerning the Special Counsel's continuing and harmful criminal grand jury leaks among other allegations of prosecutorial misconduct and illegality – Defendant Mueller, to try to cover his illegal tracks and head off a Department investigation by the Office of Professional Responsibility and Inspector General -- falsely repudiated what BuzzFeed had reported were indeed leaks from the Special Counsel.
And they did tapps to Corsi's wires in violation of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act!
Author Jim Garrow, who resides in Toronto, Canada, and has developed a "DEAF" system to prevent the electronic surveillance of telephone conversations has applied DEAF to Plaintiff Corsi's cellphone and has evidence of repeated attempts by government authorities to intercept electronically Plaintiff Corsi's telephone conversations.
Did someone leave the burner on? Is that gas we smell? Before the fumes overcome us, how does The Washington Post come into this mess?
Furthermore, on January 17, 2019, Defendant Franzia on behalf of Defendant WaPo telephoned Plaintiff Corsi to question him about information that Defendant WaPo had obtained from unspecified sources in the Office of the Special Counsel that Defendant Mueller was investigating monthly payments, which were characterized falsely and maliciously published as hush payments to Dr. Corsi so he would not provide "incriminating evidence," about Alex Jones, InfoWars and Roger Stone before Defendant Mueller and the grand jury. These hush money payments to Plaintiff Corsi were maliciously and falsely represented to be made by Dr. David Jones, father of Alex Jones of InfoWars.
Oh, hey! That's the next batshit case. Let's just skip to the part where Klayman says how much money he wants, and we can move on.
Ummmmmm ... NEVER MIND.
Corsi and Klayman v. Infowars and Free Speech Systems and Alex Jones and David Jones and Owen Shroyer
Klayman is both a plaintiff and the lawyer in this one, so you know it's going to be a wild trip through Texas, Florida and New Jersey -- none of which is DC, where the suit was filed, as the defendants pointed out in their motion to dismiss for lack of jurisdiction, saying, "'Why am I here?' is one of life's big questions; importantly, it is the question the Texan Defendants are asking this Court to answer, when faced with this suit." Fair point, but that is literally the least bizarro thing about this case, where the defendants are described as conspiracy theorists with a sideline as purveyors of "medicine" and "tchotchkes." (Get a load of these meshuganners!)
In the nuttiest of nutshells, Klayman and Corsi allege that Roger Stone and Alex Jones said mean, defamatory things about them on Infowars. Stuff like, "For those people out there who think…that Larry Klayman's IQ is higher than 70, you're wrong…" And "you can always tell when Jerry Corsi is lying because his lips are moving…." And the poetic:
He's (Klayman) incompetent, he's a numbskull, he's an idiot, he's an egomaniac, and he could be the single worst lawyer in America. With him as Jerry Corsi's lawyer, Corsi may get the electric chair. So your idea that he's a good guy is entirely wrong
And in addition to this vile defamation, both per se and by implication, Jones and his co-defendants are guilty of intentional infliction of emotional distress (allegedly), and, dare Larry Klayman say it, ASSAULT.
Acting in concert, Defendants placed Plaintiffs in apprehension of an imminent harmful or offensive contact and physical harm and death, by coercing and threatening Plaintiffs, in a similar manner that co-conspirator Stone has used to make death threats to at least one material witness involved in Special Counsel Mueller's Russian collusion investigation, such as Person 2 in the Mueller Indictment, Randy Credico and Judge Amy Berman Jackson. [...] The threats issued by Defendants are credible, as co-conspirator Stone portrays and sees himself as a "Mafia" figure, as set forth above.
Roger Stone, who is not a party to this litigation, talks like a gangster, and he said mean stuff about Corsi and Klayman, which put them in fear that he would imminently bus' a proverbial cap in their ass. We guess?
But wait, there's ALWAYS more! This was all part of a plot to harm Jerome Corsi, a direct competitor for Wingnut Dollars, and thus a violation of the Lanham Act to protect trademarks. Which entitles plaintiffs to treble damages, so ...
Let's see, that's five plaintiffs at "$50, 000,000 U.S. Dollars" each, times three. So, $750 million. Sounds legit!
But Wait, What This Situation Needs Is a Fake Grand Jury!
No problemo! Uncle Larry is here to make all your legal cosplay fantasies come true with a citizens grand jury he empaneled himself to indict that rapscallion Robert Mueller for ALL THE CRIMES, up to and including TREASON.
If it seems strange to you that you're watching a YouTube video of a "grand jury" as they "indict" Robert Mueller for the crime of leaking actual grand jury information based on Skyped testimony from Jerome Corsi, you probably need to huff a whole lot more paint.
The "jury instructions" lay out the standard for probable cause, while also reminding the "jurors" that actual "laws" don't apply in their safespace conference room fantasyland.
State or federal law does not bind the Citizens' Grand Jury. Ethics, morality and justice bind it.
According to this very, extremely real Verdict Form, the jurors found probable cause to believe Mueller committed everything he was "charged" with. So, you know that guy's a-shakin' in his wingtips.
And that is about all the crazy we can stomach today. Watch out, kids. These people are allowed to roam free among us!
Follow your FDF on Twitter!
Please click here to fund your Wonkette, who made it through another week. PHEW!
Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!