Just joshing. Besides, Obama joked about sending drones against his daughters' suitors. Don't most dads have drones now?

Meet Brian Kemp. He's Georgia's secretary of state, and he's one of seven Republicans who'd like to be elected governor this fall and replace Nathan Deal, who is term-limited. But first, they all have to get through the May 22 primary, early voting started this week, and an Atlanta Journal-Constitution poll has current Lt. Gov. Casey Cagle well ahead of everyone else. But since Cagle may not get 50 percent plus one vote, there could be a runoff, so how can Kemp set himself apart and make it into second place? Surely his efforts in suppressing Democratic votes (i.e., black votes) by fretting about nonexistent voter fraud ought to count for something. But just in case, he put out this whimsical ad about how he loves the Second Amendment so much he might just shoot a young man who wants to date his daughter:

Aw, isn't that cute? In a room filled with guns, Kemp's cleaning his shotgun -- with the breech safely open -- while the nice young man nervously reels off Kemp's four-point plan for making Georgia better, and then names the two things absolutely necessary for dating one of Kemp's daughters: "Respect," and, as Kemp snaps the shotgun closed and points it just to the right of the boy, "a healthy respect for the Second Amendment." That's sweet, and a fine reminder of good old-fashioned Georgia courtin' rituals, in which fathers are allowed to murder any young man who despoils their daughters. And while liberals have been screeching about how maybe there's something distasteful about amusing just-playin' threats to blow away a high school kid a couple months after the massacre in Parkland, Florida, Kemp supporters on Twitter are carefully gunsplaining that he's not pointing the gun AT the kid, and the shotgun's presumably unloaded since we don't see him put shells in, and where's your sense of humor anyway? Implied shootings are just gentle down-home fun, but calling Sarah Huckabee Sanders a liar is a human rights violation.

Besides, guns are a really important part of the Georgia primary; as HuffPo notes, former state Sen. Hunter Hill is running a cool ad where he loads an AR-15 and promises to lower the age for all firearms purchases to 18:

Very crisp, beautiful clicking sounds as he loads that sucker, very manly talk about knowing, as a combat vet, that sometimes a gun is the only thing standing between you and certain death, and also nobody needs a concealed carry permit because CONSTITUTION. Also, he slides right past the inconvenient fact that the minimum purchase age for handguns is set by the federal government at 21, and he won't be able to change that as governor (fine, he could lobby the feds for it, but that's more explanation than an ad can handle).

Also, in Gun Fun news that ought to be welcome to everyone in law enforcement and to anyone on the receiving end of law enforcement, a gun-maker called "Ideal Conceal" will be flogging its innovative product at the NRA annual meeting in Dallas this week: an easily concealed two-shot derringer pistol that folds up to look just like a smart phone, which you can carry in your pocket just like a smart phone, and which you can pull out of your pocket just like a smart phone:

Yes it's real, and it's such a terrific idea that it's right at the top of the NRA annual meeting's "featured products" webpage. The gun's developer has been defending it as a beautiful, beautiful advance in self-defense for responsible gun owners since at least 2016:

Under the slogan "BECAUSE THE RIGHT OF SELF-DEFENSE IS THE FIRST LAW OF NATURE," the manufacturer's website also offers this serving suggestion:

It's just so freaking cool (Always check your state and local concealment laws)!

We can't for the life of us imagine any possible unfortunate outcomes of this nifty little gun being in widespread circulation. Unless maybe you imagine nervous cops, and you darken the skin of the person whose hand is reaching into that back pocket, maybe during a traffic stop. Or any other encounter. No more of that "only holding a cell phone" excuse for unarmed black men who get in the way of police bullets, since if some "phones" are really guns, then every phone makes for a clean shooting report: "he had a phone and I was in fear for my life."

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!


Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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