Time For More Stupid Gun Shit If You Can Believe That
Just joshing. Besides, Obama joked about sending drones against his daughters' suitors. Don't most dads have drones now?
Meet Brian Kemp. He's Georgia's secretary of state, and he's one of seven Republicans who'd like to be elected governor this fall and replace Nathan Deal, who is term-limited. But first, they all have to get through the May 22 primary, early voting started this week, and an Atlanta Journal-Constitution poll has current Lt. Gov. Casey Cagle well ahead of everyone else. But since Cagle may not get 50 percent plus one vote, there could be a runoff, so how can Kemp set himself apart and make it into second place? Surely his efforts in suppressing Democratic votes (i.e., black votes) by fretting about nonexistent voter fraud ought to count for something. But just in case, he put out this whimsical ad about how he loves the Second Amendment so much he might just shoot a young man who wants to date his daughter:
I'm a conservative businessman with a 4-Point Plan to put hardworking Georgians first. I'm also the proud father of 3 teenage girls. Here's the thing: If you want to date one of my daughters, you better have respect for women & a healthy appreciation for the 2nd Amendment. #gapol pic.twitter.com/dQvvfk06Rh— Brian Kemp (@BrianKempGA) April 27, 2018
Aw, isn't that cute? In a room filled with guns, Kemp's cleaning his shotgun -- with the breech safely open -- while the nice young man nervously reels off Kemp's four-point plan for making Georgia better, and then names the two things absolutely necessary for dating one of Kemp's daughters: "Respect," and, as Kemp snaps the shotgun closed and points it just to the right of the boy, "a healthy respect for the Second Amendment." That's sweet, and a fine reminder of good old-fashioned Georgia courtin' rituals, in which fathers are allowed to murder any young man who despoils their daughters. And while liberals have been screeching about how maybe there's something distasteful about amusing just-playin' threats to blow away a high school kid a couple months after the massacre in Parkland, Florida, Kemp supporters on Twitter are carefully gunsplaining that he's not pointing the gun AT the kid, and the shotgun's presumably unloaded since we don't see him put shells in, and where's your sense of humor anyway? Implied shootings are just gentle down-home fun, but calling Sarah Huckabee Sanders a liar is a human rights violation.
Besides, guns are a really important part of the Georgia primary; as HuffPo notes, former state Sen. Hunter Hill is running a cool ad where he loads an AR-15 and promises to lower the age for all firearms purchases to 18:
Very crisp, beautiful clicking sounds as he loads that sucker, very manly talk about knowing, as a combat vet, that sometimes a gun is the only thing standing between you and certain death, and also nobody needs a concealed carry permit because CONSTITUTION. Also, he slides right past the inconvenient fact that the minimum purchase age for handguns is set by the federal government at 21, and he won't be able to change that as governor (fine, he could lobby the feds for it, but that's more explanation than an ad can handle).
Also, in Gun Fun news that ought to be welcome to everyone in law enforcement and to anyone on the receiving end of law enforcement, a gun-maker called "Ideal Conceal" will be flogging its innovative product at the NRA annual meeting in Dallas this week: an easily concealed two-shot derringer pistol that folds up to look just like a smart phone, which you can carry in your pocket just like a smart phone, and which you can pull out of your pocket just like a smart phone:
Yes it's real, and it's such a terrific idea that it's right at the top of the NRA annual meeting's "featured products" webpage. The gun's developer has been defending it as a beautiful, beautiful advance in self-defense for responsible gun owners since at least 2016:
Under the slogan "BECAUSE THE RIGHT OF SELF-DEFENSE IS THE FIRST LAW OF NATURE," the manufacturer's website also offers this serving suggestion:
It's just so freaking cool (Always check your state and local concealment laws)!
We would like to never have to type 'police shoot unarmed black man' ever again.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.