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It’s preposterous that the Bill Cosby rape allegations are now news only because a man—one Mr. Hannibal Buress—spoke about them, right?


That’s gotta be some bullshit. Our civilization can’t possibly be that messed up. If a female comedian or two, say, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, had spoken out years ago, say, in 2006, we’d have been gnashing our collective teeth about the whole thing back then. No doubt about it.

And imagine if they did it on a national platform like Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update.

Yeah, you don’t have to play the video to know what it’s about.

Tina Fey also snuck a rape accusation against Cosby into a 2009 episode of 30 Rock that she penned, having Tracy yell at a man he believes to be the Coz, “Bill Cosby, you got a lotta nerve gettin’ on the phone wit’ me after what you did to my Aunt Paulette! 1971. Cincinnati. She was a cocktail waitress with the droopy eye!”

Don’t remember that? It’s in the episode where Jon Hamm plays a guy so handsome that everyone put him in a “bubble” of adoration. Yeah, that one.

That’s our beloved patron saint of TV comedy writing, trying to insert the rape accusations into the public consciousness on national TV twice before Hannibal Buress (who also wrote for SNL and 30 Rock) kicked off the whole shitstorm by calling Cosby a rapist on stage at a small theater in front of a local Philadelphia audience.

That was then, this is now…

And in the now CeeLo Green—noted expert on drugging and raping women—has decided to open his mouth about the situation. Oh, goody.

The headline over at TMZ screams: “CEELO GREEN – IT’S ABOUT TIME BILL COSBY START (sic) FIGHTING BACK”

Is that right, CeeLo? It didn’t help you much.

After pleading no contest to secretly spiking his date’s drink with ecstasy, Green took to Twitter to insist it wasn’t “real rape” if the victim doesn’t remember it. Almost immediately, he lost his reality show on TBS.

But the “exclusive” video over at TMZ doesn’t really back up the headline. While CeeLo does lament that Cosby’s silence on the rape allegations leads many people to conclude he’s guilty, the disgraced singer then says, “You can’t defend yourself in that capacity, you what I’m say? You just have to let facts be facts and so on and so forth. The facts have to speak the loudest.”

Sounds like CeeLo thinks silence is Cosby’s least bad option.

The U.S. Navy also had something to say about Bill Cosby today—specifically, you’re fired. The Navy revoked the honorary title of Chief Petty Officer he received in 2011 based on his status as a beloved comedy icon and his four years of service in the late 1950s. And you didn’t think the Navy was serious about addressing its problem with sexual harassment.

(Oh, by the way, the Department of Defense released today that five percent of women in the military “had experienced at least one incident of unwanted sexual contact” in the last year alone. But Cosby’s out, so don’t worry your pretty little head about it.)

One more Cosby update: The New York Daily News has an exclusive interview with a man who claims he used to pay off Cosby’s various “other women,” although he doesn’t seem to insinuate that Cosby was doing anything illegal or that the women were unwilling. The man in question is Frank Scotti, the former facility manager of the studio where The Cosby Show was taped. He’s got money order receipts for several of the payments, although all the money orders are in his own name, not Cosby’s.

Cosby’s lawyer is calling Scotti’s allegations “pure speculation,” and that’s a fairly accurate description. Scotti doesn’t actually know what happened behind closed doors between Cosby and the women or what the money was for, and he doesn’t claim otherwise. But he does make the same assumption pretty much everyone else would.

“Why else would he be sending money?” Scotti asked. “He was sending these women $2,000 a month. What else could I think?”

The Daily News contacted three women who received the money orders for which Scotti held onto the receipts. One wouldn’t answer questions on the topic, one said Cosby innocently helped her pay for school for her son, and one said she had to flee from a hotel room once when Cosby got naked and aggressively pursued sex.

This weekend’s standup shows in NYC have been cancelled.

Cross-posted with permission from Happy Nice Time People, where you can find all the latest on Bill Cosby, plus even more bewb tube shenanigans and snarky recaps. Go take a look and be sure to follow Happy Nice Time People on Twitter.

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