TLC Sends Duggars Away To Live On Farm With Honey Boo Boo's Mom

Oh no, how will the Duggars survive? TLC has decided that, you know, on second thought, now that "kid-diddling" has replaced "look at that fun family with so many kids!" in the American consciousness, maybe it should cancel the show. Surely this had nothing to do with fleeing advertisers, and everything to do with TLC's upstanding moral character:

The show featuring the Duggar family had been in limbo since May after revelations that 27-year-old Josh Duggar molested five children including four of his sisters.

For 10 seasons, it had chronicled the home life of Arkansas couple Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar and their now-19 children. It was pulled from the network in May when reports surfaced of the molestations that occurred a dozen years earlier.

The network says that, instead of continuing to show "19 Kids And Counting ( Is The Name Of Josh Duggar's Bucket List )" on the air this fall, it will devote some time to teaching people how to NOT be Josh Duggar, by starting an "ongoing campaign to raise awareness about child sexual abuse." This sounds like a great idea! Considering TLC's track record with hit shows and surprise revelations of child molestation, maybe it would also be good for the network to spend a little time JUST MAKING SURE there are no other shows on the network hiding these sorts of secrets.

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So, since we all still have PTSD from learning about the sex crimes Josh Duggar did to his family, let's not focus on that. Let's instead bid them farewell with a list of OTHER times the family was downright dumb, creepy, weird, and gross, just in case this is the last time we get to write about them. It's time for America and Wonkette to be done with this family FOREVER:

• How do you get lady cancer in your lady parts? From getting dude jizz all over them. That's a Duggar sex tip.

• Here's how to not dress like a whore, so you won't cause men to do rape to you.

• Right before all this news came out, we learned about how Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are still fucking each other, in case Jesus wants to use Jim Bob's dong to bless them with more babies.

• Hey, remember how one of the dumb young married Duggar kids and her husband creation-splained to America that atheists don't exist?

• Aw, and remember how the Besta Molesta himself, Josh Duggar, is a real big fucking bigot about gay marriage?

•  Here's a thing about one of the Duggar-adjacents beating up a cat or something.

• That time the Duggars wanted to see pictures of all the happy married couples in America, so a bunch of gays flooded their social media accounts with pix of hot, sexy GAY MARRIAGES. That was nice!

•  Did Jessa Duggar bone her new husband IN THE CHURCH on her wedding day? Eh, probably not, God hadn't given her the sex talk yet.

• Mama Michelle Duggar always was down in ladies' pants, checking to make sure they were real ladies, with sin-HOLES and not sin-RODS.

• And last but not least, there are ALL the "19 Kids And Counting" recaps in the archives of our gone, but not forgotten kid sister, Happy Nice Time People. So if you REALLY want to reminisce about losing the Duggars, knock yourself out.

See ya, Duggars! Don't let the door hit you on your 19 or 21 or 678,573 asses, however many there are! We won't miss you! Unless TLC decides to let some time pass and then do a spin-off featuring the non-molesty Duggars, since Christ Jesus, apparently that hasn't been ruled out, because everybody in this story is a money-grubbing whore.

[ Chicago Tribune ]