Todd Starnes Writes Love Letter To Donald Trump's Penis

Is that gross enough? Are you imagining Donald Trump's penis now and wondering if his little head is coiffured the same as his big head? Because Fox News wingnut and suspected pee lover Todd Starnes sure seems to be!

Senate Republicans had a chance to stop Planned Parenthood from butchering unborn children and selling their body parts to the highest bidder. Instead, Majority Leader Mitch McConnell refused to put up a vote -- thumbing his nose at Senators Mike Lee and Ted Cruz, along with every pro-lifer in the nation.

That sort of emasculated leadership is why Donald Trump is surging in the polls. Americans want leaders with man-parts big enough to do the right thing.

Hahaha, now first off, how could Senate Republicans stop Planned Parenthood from doing a thing that they're not actually doing, despite the fact that truly stupid wingnuts like Starnes believe it to be true?

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But more importantly, what exactly does Starnes know about Trump's Tower of Dick? Has he seen these "man-parts" close up? Because he sure does seem to be taking it as a given that Trump has one rad penis. Did he run into Trump in the Fox News basement gay sex orgy dungeon (it could exist, you don't know) and get all excited because there it was and it was GLORIOUS? Or has he just spent a lot of time imagining it?

Or is it that whole thing about how wingnuts in general, and Starnes in particular, have a very weird, fucked up notion of what constitutes masculinity? Where normal people look at Trump's pompous, ignorant bluster and are amused, folks like Starnes see nothing but valiant, strong perpetually shooting penises, marching in to defend our freedom or take America back or whatever. It's part of his martyr complex, about how the gay homosexuals are going to murder all the Christians, and then murder the American flag, and everything will be ruined unless some big strong daddy figure like Trump comes in and defends poor helpless Todd Starnes.

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Maybe Trump could hire Starnes to be his fluffer, wouldn't that be neat?

[Fox Nation viaJoeMyGod]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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