Tom Cotton Regrets Nothing, Except Not Paying Attention In Geography Class

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Cement-headed poop ogre Tom Cotton reached the pinnacle of his Senate career this weekend when he made an appearance on a Sunday morning chat show to talk about his light-hearted mash note to Iran and the ongoing negotiations over that nation's nuclear weapons program.

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The lucky host who had to sit face to face with the Arkansas senator while resisting the urge to strangle some sense into him was Bob Schieffer of Face the Nation. All due credit to Schieffer for treating this jingoistic bullshit artist with a modicum of respect. We would have spent the entire six minutes showing Cotton footage of dead Arabs and asking if it gave him an erection.

Let’s listen to the molten flow spewing from this redneck guano volcano’s face hole.

And we wanted to be crystal clear that Iran's leaders got the message that, in our constitutional system, while the president negotiates deals, Congress has to approve them for them to be lasting and binding. […]

And now he says that future Congresses can't change a mere executive agreement if we disagree with them or if a future president disagrees with them? That's not the way our constitutional system works. And it's certainly not the way we should be negotiating with Iran.

Hmmm, yes, that is interesting, Senator Guano Volcano. Which is why Iran has been negotiating not solely with the United States, but with the P5 + 1 nations of the United Nations, to give any deal an international imprimatur. The U.N. doesn’t operate under our Constitution, but you keep behaving as if we’re the only actors in this little drama, which is what makes your letter from last week seem so much like it was written in crayon by a bunch of kindergartners throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get enough mat time.

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And in fact the letter was apparently read and signed in haste in part because the Senate Republicans were anxious to get out of town before a snowstorm shut down Washington’s airports. Really great way to run a country we’ve got here.

Well, as Prime Minister Netanyahu said, the alternative to a bad deal is a better deal.

Or possibly no deal at all.

The Iranians frequently bluff to walk away from the table. If they bluff this week, call their bluff. But Congress stands ready to impose much more severe sanctions.

That’s why the Iranians are pushing for the lifting of U.N. sanctions, not American sanctions. The U.S. can’t impose harsher sanctions unilaterally if it has signed onto a U.N. deal lifting the most onerous ones. The Iranians aren’t as dumb as you think they are.

You have, however, given them a good excuse to walk away from the table so you and your neocon buddies can keep calling for war. You will of course be re-enlisting in the military for the occupation of Iran, yes?

Moreover, we have to stand up to Iran's attempts to drive for regional dominance. They already control Tehran. Increasingly, they control Damascus and Beirut and Baghdad, and now Sanaa as well.

Whoa, hold on, back up. When did the Iranians take Tehran???? Couldn’t someone have interrupted President Selfie’s daily golf game to tell him the Ayatollah’s armies had conquered the Ayatollah’s nation’s capital city? Spin up our nuclear missiles, this is a game changer.

Bob Schieffer went on to ask Cotton if he had any regrets about the way he had gone about making himself the story this week and possibly undercutting sensitive international negotiations, to which Tehran Tom replied, “No regrets at all.” We’re not sure what kind of an answer Schieffer thought he might get. Cotton strikes us as the type of doofus who doesn’t change his mind about anything, ever. He’s a wind-up robot who will march in only one direction while spewing talking points programmed into him by Bill Kristol.

Fuck it. How much Scotch do we have in the house?

[Face the Nation]

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